Control the Controllables... aka your Attitude

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I needed to control the controllables I would so rich! I would probably have enough cash money to be living in my storage unit tiny home, up in Seattle, with a large fenced in property for my 6 St Bernards and 5 Cats, with my significant other and maybe a kid or two... I know my all time goal in life is so appealing right? The bottom line is though, I am always told I need to control the controllables and to stop being a control freak. Being a Virgo woman (born between 8/23-9/22) I cannot help but want to control every aspect of my life. It just comes natural to me. I am the worst delegator alive and I always have this burning need in my heart to be in charge. As Christian Grey put it, "I exercise control in all things." As I've gotten older though I've realized you can't really control everything. You sure as heck can try but unless you're a multi millionaire like Christian Grey or a wizard like Albus Dumbledore you can't really control anything at the end of the day. You'll just end up tired, frustrated, and stuck in your comfort zone where you have control. You can't control the weather, you can't control whether or not someone loves you back, and you can't control the ridiculous high prices of Nike apparel. The only thing you really can control is your attitude in the situations that are thrown at you. Attitude is everything and can make or break any situation. Having a bad attitude towards things can make life a living hell while a good attitude can make a tough situation easy-peezy. It all depends on if you see the glass as half full or half empty. Attitude is everything.

Bad Example:

Being a high school basketball coach I love when I see players with good attitudes. I didn't realize how bad my attitude as a player was until I was a coach. I honestly don't even know why my teammates liked me let a lone put up with me. Sports is a great example of where attitudes are something that are so crucial. While I was at Timpview playing basketball I had a different coach every year I was there. I remember with the one specific new coach I had the worst attitude. I didn't want them to be my coach, and I didn't respect them. It showed that year as a player on the floor. I was a selfish player, I wasn't coachable, and in the end it cost us the state championship. My attitude carried over to my college career. The first two years were great. Then cancer happened, and well then my stubborn feministic ways got the best of me and by my junior year I wasn't invested. I had a chip on my shoulder and a bad attitude. I was coming off chemo and my body wasn't adapting to college basketball as fast as I wanted it to or as good as I needed it to. I rode the bench for a whole season and found myself frustrated and with a bad attitude. It ended up being a huge factor in the end of my college career and I went out with a bad taste in my mouth for the game I once had loved so much. It took me a few months to touch a basketball again, but in those 6 months I had to rebuild myself up. I had to get a new attitude to my new life. I went from college athlete to college graduate looking for a job. It took some adjusting, but with a major attitude change I soon grew to love my new life. I loved my job, I loved working (even when it was two jobs at times), and I eventually found my old love for the game of basketball. I look back and wish so bad I had a "cup half full" attitude and realized I couldn't control my health, or who my coach was, or who my teammates were. What I could have controlled though was my attitude to those things. As I said before, when I coach girls with good attitudes its such a relief. In sports, someone's attitude can make or break a team. My attitude broke my teams in the past so as a coach, its something I've really emphasized. Good attitude towards the game and my players so hopefully it will rub off on them. A person with a bad attitude will not only never progress, but their bad attitude affects everyone around them. The best thing you can do, in any situation good or bad, is have a good attitude. Good attitude = Good outcome.

Good Example:

So as well know once upon a time I had cancer, well I still have it but once upon a time I had to actually fight it and what not. Anyways I won, Alexis: 1 Cancer: 0. But during the whole process my team of doctors made it very clear that attitude was 90% of the battle. They emphasized again and again that I needed to keep a good positive happy attitude and let the chemo do the rest. So naturally like a good little cancer patient, I did. Now this is easier said than done when. Imagine sitting in a room with friends and family and they're all crying because you're "dying" and you have to stay positive... now thats kind of a dramatic example but thats how I felt. Staying positive through those 6 months started out easy. Something about shaving your head and having an Iron Man like port installed in your chest was exciting and fun. But it gets hard when you're constantly puking and can barley walk 10 yards to the bathroom without taking breaks. Martha was right though as she always is, attitude is everything. Throughout it all I kept a positive attitude, I found the silver linings, and rather than thinking "man what if the chemo and cancer kills me and I die?" I thought "man how awesome are my scars from all these surgeries going to be in like 5 years after I beat this?" Its all about perspective. When you have a good attitude good things happen. Whether the situation is something like cancer, or the attitude towards the cashier at the grocery store who won't stop talking, if you have a good attitude good things happen.

Now lets be honest... there's just some situations where having a good attitude is just hard. Some people just are naturally not optimistic. Myself included. I like to consider myself a realist. I like to think with my head and not my heart. I never really liked to think the extreme worst or the extreme best, but I definitely wasn't optimistic. I was told a lot that I shouldn't be so pessimistic, but I'm not pessimistic I'm just realistic. That was always my reply. I noticed that in most aspects of my life I was taking a realistic approach and was a lot of times a glass half empty kind of gal. I've been working hard to turn that around and be more optimistic and more of a glass half full kind of gal. I saw the importance of a good attitude while going through cancer so why not apply it to all aspects of life? Why not be optimistic and have a good attitude at all times? Yes that sometimes sets you up for even bigger let downs and disappointments, but there's always a silver lining to be found in everything that happens. Our attitude is probably the only thing we can really control when things go bad, and our attitude is really the one thing that can make a bad situation bearable. It can be the game changer when you get diagnosed with cancer or when you spill your taco all over your white shirt. 

At the end of the day, our attitude is what will determine how we react to any situation in life and to people. Something like a good attitude can take you as far as you want it to and can be what you need to get through anything good or bad. It opens up the doors to opportunity and really just living in general. Worrying and trying to control everything in life is exhausting. Trust me, I didn't it for 25 years! You can't control people, you can control traffic, or the opportunities that are given you. But you can control your attitude 100% of the time and when you have a good attitude, good things happen. I'm a firm believer in good and positive energy. I believe in karma. I also believe that a good attitude will get you farther in life, it will help you escape your comfort zones, and its the only thing in this crazy life that we can control. So control it, rock it, and let your good attitude work for you. 

Change is Inevitable, Progress is Optional

 I haven't blogged in a minute... and I can't even begin to say 1. How mad I am I haven't found the time and 2. How much I've missed it! I have been writing, just not for public eye. So FINALLY here's a blog that I had time to put together and that you all can enjoy. So this week I had my birthday... I turned 26. First of all, I don't like my birthday. The last few years it lost it's excitement. I was sitting in bed last night trying to keep Bella and her slobbery adorable face off the bed and I couldn't help but see the changes from 25 to 26, because trust me there were plenty of them. Change is something I have never been fond of. While reminiscing on my life at dinner Sunday my brothers brought up the day we moved to Provo how I cried and cried and cried. I think back and I was such a brat when we first moved to Provo. I didn't want to move to Provo. I had plans to finish Jr High at Olympus Jr and go play basketball at Olympus High School for Coach Ashton and hang out with Diane Tempest everyday. I had plans and this whole "lets move to Provo" thing wasn't a part of my plans and just really screwed it all up. But, being a child I didn't have a choice so we moved to Provo. Change down to the simplest of things, like when Costco started carrying a different brand of plastic cups, or when Paradise Cafe changed their menu. I just don't like change; but something happened between 25 and 26. I changed. I didn't just make little changes, I made some major changes. I lost some friends along the way, good Lord lets be honest I lost myself along the way. But during that time I made new friends, I found myself, and I found out what was really important to me and who.

Change 1: My priorities.

Now I always thought I had my priorities together my whole life. I always put my family first. My stomach second, basketball third (because ball is life), and somewhere is a 3-way tie for fourth between work, the gym, and my friends. In reality though my priorities were 1. have a good time, almost too good of a time usually 2. my friends 3. my family 4. work and 5. basketball. I didn't realize how skewed my priorities were until about 9 months ago. In the battle to figure out what really is important and who really is important I lost some people and gained some. I realized just how important a select few were, and how two faced others were. I realized my relationships with people are important and I needed to not be so selfish in them. I needed to prioritize the people in my life who were loyal and stayed by my side through my OCD fits and my sometimes rude mannerisms. I also realized I needed to get ride of some of my rude mannerisms. But I have as of late prioritized the people who matter. The list is short and sweet, but its a lot better than having a huge list with semi-loyal friends. Between weeding out the good and the bad people, realizing there's more to life than basketball, and trying to show with actions instead of words my priorities are finally in order. I wont like lie, is much easier when you know what and who comes first. 

Change 2: Actions, not Words. 

I feel like for a long time I was the queen of talk. I always would make commitments I couldn't keep, just because I don't know how to say No. I got that from my mother. But I would spread myself so thin then have to pick and choose which events or plans to go to or that I needed to miss. I always would feel bad. Not just because I wasn't missing things or canceling plans to be a jerk, but because I didn't know how to make time for them all. I was running myself ragged for a second there and soon just stopped trying all together. I found myself saying things but not following through. Saying I felt one way but acted another. I just was a lot of talk, and while what I was saying was all true how I was acting was the opposite. I mislead people and got a reputation for being flaky and just overall a bad friend. At the end of the day I realized that I needed to be better at showing actions. Yes that means not as many activities, but quality is better than quantity and actions will always mean more than words. I also realized I was scared to show actions. I've always been more of an introvert. Not really one to open up or show a lot of emotion. But because of this I saw people not believing me and questioning me. I knew there was only one thing to do: suck it up and let my emotions and feelings show through my actions.

Change 3: Humility and Acceptance

For the first time in my life I felt humbled. I have had some truly humbling experiences, but having conquered them with just a few scratches I felt indestructible. I've accepted, and if you know me you know how hard it was for me to say this, that for once in my life I wasn't always right. I wasn't always right about everything. I had to accept that it's ok to be different. That just because someone doesn't think how I think or do things how I do them, doesn't make them less of a person. I learned the hard way that just because I'm a minor OCD germaphobe (ok maybe major) doesn't mean I can expect other people to be the same. The last year I have had to humble myself more than ever before. I had to accept that at the end of the day, regardless of my achievements and my beliefs, which I thought were superior to others, I was just human. I wasn't irreplaceable or indestructible. I was both. I stopped thinking to myself, "why do they do that they should do it my way" and changed my thought process to "ok I do that this way but why do they do it that way and is it better?" I realized I needed to give people, activities, and really everything in life a fair shot to prove my stubborn head wrong. I've tried to be more open minded and with that comes many humbling moments of me realizing I'm wrong. But its ok because everyone is wrong sometimes. Even me. 

Change 4: Comfort Zones are Overrated

I'm the kind of person who likes structure and a routine. I literally do the same thing everyday down to what I eat (except taco tuesdays) to the time I read my book, write in my journal, leave work, and when I drink my water. I have my schedule down to a science where I do the same things everyday. I don't like to be in situations where I don't know the out come, or where there's a chance my true uncoordinated self might be revealed. I don't like to try new things, and I don't like when my schedule is disrupted. I now realize that I'm not a new born child with a schedule and that life is meant to be lived outside your comfort zone and not in it. Today I went on a nice long drive just to clear my head after an exhausting week and just drive and sing. I was talking to my friend Krystin and she was shocked that I wanted to go camping with my dog in the middle of nowhere, that I wanted to watch a baseball game and actually watch and cheer, that I wanted to leave my itty bitty comfort zone. In a way I was like Bilbo Baggins. Living my happy little life with nothing exciting with a routine and everything. But how boring of a book would the Hobbit and LOTR had been if Bilbo had never left the shire with Gandalf? Yes that was the ultimate Lord of the Rings reference, I'm a nerd what can I say. My comfort zone has been the size of a pea and I have stayed within its boundaries for farrrrrr too long. Its time to live a little and get a little dirty and have some fun. 


This last year I have grown so much and learned so much about myself, about life, and about who I really am. It was a growing experience and at times I wasn't fond of it but I knew I had to so I could keep progressing. I realized so many small flaws and stupid things I let control my life and because of it I found myself missing a lot of what was going on around me. One of those things was my phone. For a while I was so obsessed with social media. How many followers I had who was following me blah blah blah. So high school of me I know I'm embarrassed for myself. Today I sat down and deleted probably half of the people on my social media just because I didn't know them, they had no purpose in my life, and then I gave myself restrictions. I can't believe at 25 I was letting my phone and social media consume me and I was missing out on so much going on right in front of my face. 

Taking time to sit and write down small goals has been the best thing for me to get where I am today. Its nice to have changed so drastically in a year. Change is inevitable. Its all around us from the changing of the seasons to the changing of clothing styles, change is everywhere and its going to happen. I think the best part of change is when you change yourself for the better. When you change who you were to become someone better, thats the change thats good. Thats the change thats the hardest but its so worth it!! So here's to my start of a new year of life. I hope the next year I can keep changing and progressing all while living outside of my comfort zone, keeping my priorities straight, staying humble, and using my actions and not my words. At the end of the day I want to live a life full of love, adventure, and excitement and to do that changes needed to be made and they were. Won't lie, I'm terrified but I'm excited to finally be outside my comfort zone and living life the way it was meant to be lived. 

Remember: If you want something you've never had, you've got to do things you've never done. Get comfortable with being outside your comfort zone, because its the only way to grow. 

#LikeAGirl

The other night we were watching the Oscars as a family. We had a $15 iTunes gift card on the line for whoever had to most guesses right of the winners. If you watched the Oscars I'm sure you can recall Patricia Arquette's speech. Its gotten a lot of media attention because at the end of her speech she says:

"We have fought for everybody else's equal rights. It's our time to have wage equality once and for all, and equal rights for women in the United States of America," 

 During her speech the cameras then move to show Meryl Streep, one of my favorites, standing and clapping along with JLo standing and clapping next to her. Of course seeing this I got all fired up being quite the little feminist myself. Bronson thought he would make the comment that its bad to be feminist because they're crazy. I will never forget what my Mother shot back at him so quick I didn't have time to even get my two cents in. Michelle said, "Bronson being a feminist just means that I believe and fight for women rights. I think women should be treated with the respect and dignity as men do. Is it bad that I want to be respected and seen as an equal at work and in the community?" Well that shut Bronson right up. I think a lot of people see the extreme feminists and think they are a little on the crazy side. From the beginning of time women have been treated lesser to our counterpart, unfortunately. The other night I had a funny experience. Every night I go to the gym. I lift, I run, and then lastly I get some shots up and work on my game. The courts were empty when I got there so I was able to get a main hoop but they started filling up fast as the night went on. Soon two guys came in. They were all decked out in Adidas BYU gear (BYU is sponsored by Nike. Giveaway they weren't all that great) and came off as your typical pick up ball jerk. They came up to me and asked if I would shoot on the side hoop so they could have the main hoop for themselves. I politely said no thanks and went to go about my workout when they stopped me again. They continued to tell me how they needed the main one bc they wanted to play one on one and their buddies were coming anyways. Rather than asking me to move again the one boy looked at me and told me to move. I smiled and giggled then looked at them and said how about I play you both in a game of 1 on 1 to 11 by ones and twos winner gets the court. They both started laughing like I was crazy. Well, they weren't laughing when I beat them both in a matter of minutes. After this I got thinking and thinking and thought, if I ever have a daughter I don't want her to ever feel like she's not an equal? Do I want boys and men to view her value as less than theirs? Do I want her to lack the confidence in herself as a woman? No. The thinking continued and I thought about what Michelle did to prepare me for life. How she helped me gain the confidence I have and thats needed to survive in the world. There hasn't been a time in my life where I felt I wasn't equal to the men around me. If anything I've always felt I was above them. I thought about what Michelle taught me. What Steve taught me. What the women in my life have taught me. What basketball, friends, school, my siblings, cancer, and how every aspect of my life has led me to be who I am today: a feminist. A strong proud woman who demands to not only be treated as an equal to men but also demands the same respect that men receive in the work field, on the basketball court, and anywhere and everywhere I may be. 

At the top of the page there's a YouTube that really got me thinking. I saw this commercial and it made me a tad teary eyed. I never thought about the saying "like a girl." I would be lying if I said I've never used the phrase. If you read my previous blog I talk about how I was raised with all boys. In my mind when I think, oh I play basketball and xbox like one of the guys. I never saw it for what it truly meant until just this last year. I loved that in the YouTube above the younger girls have all the confidence in the world. They don't see throwing like a girl as a bad thing. Or running like a girl. So where's the breakdown? When does playing ball like a girl become such a bad thing? When was being a girl such an insult to society? So I'm going to remind you all what it means to run like a girl. To fight like a girl. To throw and play ball like a girl. I think people forget just what us girls are truly capable of. 

#RunLikeAGirl

Running is something I will never be fond of. I hate running probably because for so many years of my life it was the punishment for crappy basketball play. Its the worst part of my work out when I have to stop lifting and go do cardio. So when one runs like a girl what does that mean? When I think of one person and one person only when it comes to running. Michelle. If you were to tell you 3 things about my mother I would tell you this 1. she needs diet coke and water in large volumes throughout the day 2. she just wants to watch downtown abbey everyday all day and 3. she loves to run and will out run you on any day. My earliest memories of my mother are driving around the night before a long run leaving water bottles in bushes. Riding my bike with her on her runs. Things like that. My mother has ran everywhere. No matter where we are on vacation or where she is for work she goes running. She's ran in China, Canada, Boston, Hawaii, all over southern California, Florida, the capitol building, wherever she can get a jog in she will. If I ran half as good as my mother I would probably be 20lbs skinnier. Running like a girl isn't a bad thing, in fact a few years ago there was a little girl who was quite the running back. She became a huge hit on YouTube because she is only 9 years old and was running circles around the little boys in her pee wee football league. Sam Gordon actually is from Salt Lake and I was able to meet her a few summers ago when she attended a BYU basketball camp I was coaching. Check out her high lights here  she runs better than any of those other little boys and looks just as smooth out there as some of these college running backs. Running like a girl obviously isn't a bad thing. 

#FightLikeAGirl

Girls and fighting I feel like can be taken in a few ways. There's fighting like literal throwing punches, there's the emotional fights that we all go through, then there's the physical fights that come along with health issues etc. When I think of fighting like a girl I think of first and foremost the amazing Ronda Rousey. Ronda is a UFC fighter. She's 10-0 and is to make it simple for you all that don't know her, she's the UFC champion for women. If you don't know who she is google her. I don't think anyone would want to get in a fight with Ronda Rousey lets be honest. She's a beast in the ring. ESPN did a short video on her check it out. UFC for so long was a men's sport but she came in and was the first women to sign with the UFC in 2012. She's set a trail of what women can do when given the opportunity to compete in what was once that to be just a man's sport. Ronda has not only proven she deserves to be a part of the UFC but also has done it better than any man or woman has. So Ronda is a great example of the actually fighting, they lets punch each other for the hell of it. But there's another fight and not everyone experiences it nor does everyone win this fight. This fight also is very familiar to me and its the fight with cancer. To explain a little bit about this fight I chose one of my own personal heros. Her name is Tenley Wilson. When Tenley was 2 years old she was diagnosed with AML. Tenley's family just happens to be one of our closest family friends from Salt Lake so it was so sad to hear about her diagnosis. It killed me to think a two year old little girl was going through what I had. The needles, the constant IVs, the pain, the nausea, the hair loss, everything I went through she was going through. But she was only two. But you know what, when I went and saw Tenley there wasn't a doubt in my mind she would fight and eventually overcome her cancer. She was sassy and spunky and you could just tell she was a little fighter and she was. Fighting like a girl means fighting like Tenley, which it completely fine with me. 

#ThrowLikeAGirl

Karlie Harman, a 15 year old girl out of Virginia is the quarterback for her football team. When she was told she throws like a girl and she said, "I take that as a compliment because yeah I throw like a girl because I am a girl. I throw with power and dedication." Talk about confidence. At 15 years old there's a significant different in the athleticism between boys and girls. Boys are usually much farther ahead than the girls. But as you watch Karlie out there she plays with heart and she just plays football, and she's quite good at it. Football has always been a guys game. But every now and then you hear about girls like Karlie, or like Sam mentioned above and it makes you wonder how different the game with be with more teams had a girl on the team. Not just any girl, but a girl that can compete and hold her own out there. I know for a fact Karlie Harman throws a football a lot better than I do and probably better than most boys lets be honest. Besides throwing a perfect spiral most importantly Karlie Harman plays with confidence and doesn't see it as a bad thing that she throws like a girl. 

#PlayBallLikeAGirl

Playing ball like a girl I feel like really became an insult when the fat kid from the Sandlot said it as an insult. When I think of playing ball like a girl my mind automatically goes to some of the greatest women basketball players of all time: Diana Taurasi, Sue Bird, Lisa Leslie, Maya Moore, Candice Parker, Becky Hammon, Elena Delle Donne, and Brittney Griner just to name a few. Mark Cuban back a while ago joked that he wanted to take Brittney Griner in the second round of the NBA draft. Diana Taurasi was said to be the only woman that would be able to hold her own in the NBA. Its a given obviously not very women can dunk. Some people think that because of the lake of dunking that takes away from the game. I think thats a lie, if anything it makes it so that you're watching good fundamental basketball not a dunk contest. Playing ball like a girl isn't a bad thing. You have to accept some of the harsh facts, yes Lebron would beat Maya Moore any day in one on one. But does that mean that playing like Maya Moore is a bad thing? There's a reason Becky Hammon is an assistant for the San Antonio Spurs, because she understands the game. She plays ball like a girl and now she's teaching Manu and the boys how to play ball like a girl. I take pride in the fact that I understand the game of basketball; that I can hold my own when I play with the guys and dominate when I play with the girls. 

When I was at BYU in one of my classes I learned that between the ages of 8-10 boys naturally become more coordinated. By the time kids are 12 boys are three years ahead of girls athletically and coordinately speaking. Is coordinately even a word? But you get what I'm saying. Boys naturally have more muscle mass. They're naturally more coordinated and athletic. So when you find a young girl who can compete with the boys, its a big deal. She physiologically speaking has the odds against her. Its a rare find. When you find girls who can play alongside the boys. Who are confident enough to know they're good enough to play with the boys. I know I used a lot of sports and athletes as examples, but in any situation in life no matter what it is, it isn't a bad thing to be a girl. Its nice to see TV shows, books being written, and movies being made with strong female role. Just in the last few years we've had Divergent, Hunger Games, Wild, Revenge, and Frozen all have leading ladies. Being a girl isn't a bad thing, its one of the greatest things in the world. Its time that women start being treated as an equal to men. That women get the same rights, benefits, respect a men as well as  being viewed just as knowledgable as men in the work field. Doing things like a girl shouldn't be an insult anymore. It should be a compliment in the highest form. There is nothing more beautiful that a young girl who has confidence and who is proud of who she is. If she can keep that confidence throughout her life she then becomes a strong confident and independent woman which is one of the greatest achievements a young girls can achieve. I think of everything Michelle has taught me. How a woman can run for a city office, how to feed the masses, how to use mind over matter, and even how to do a cartwheel. But the most important thing Michelle has taught me is to be proud to be a woman and to be a smart, independent woman who never gives up and does what she wants when she wants. My mother taught me to be a feminist, to believe and fight for the equal rights of women all over in every aspect of life and to stand up for myself. She taught me by example to be proud of who I am and never back down. Some of the greatest lessons I think a mother could ever teach her daughter.


#LikeAGirl

Boys Boys Boys

So last week was a long week for me for whatever reason. I couldn't figure it out. All week I felt like something was missing from my life and I pin point what was wrong with myself. Everyday went the same as always. Wake up at 7, take Bella out, eat my nasty gluten free oatmeal, pack my lunch for the day, go to work, sit at work and hope Ashley comes in for a visit, drive to practice and coach the children, drive home, go to the gym, come home and eat egg whites, watch Food Network, and go to bed. That's virtually my everyday routine. But for whatever reason this week felt off. Friday morning I was eating breakfast with Devin and it dawned on me, this was the first day all week I had seen one of my brothers. Football and school had started so I never saw Bronson. Corbin was off traveling for basketball. And I'm usually gone before Devin even wakes up because the kid loves sleep more than life. All week I had been missing my little brothers. Now I've been blessed to be so close to my life geographically obviously but always our relationships. My family is a very tight knit group. We're the first ones to make each other mad and cry, and we are the first ones to defend each other again angry ex girlfriends and mean kids at school. So going a week without seeing any of my boys was a big deal. I see Daryl everyday because I'm her only friend beside Michelle and the cats. So as my Friday progressed I also realized I was basically raised and grew up with boys my whole life. I didn't get a sister until I was 8. I had no girl cousins my age and the closest cousin to me we Mitchell. All growing up I played in the basketball league with boys until 6th grade. My whole life I was surrounded by boys and you know what, I couldn't be more thankful. Having been raised with brothers for the most part, boy cousins, and spending a lot of time with Steve I honestly couldn't be happier. Growing up with boys wasn't always easy for a girl though. Trying to keep up with the Nintendo games, pick up basketball games, and following and learning the Xs and Os of football knowing I would never play it got hard, but I managed to keep up. I remember for my first birthday party all the party guests were boys with one or two girls. Growing up with boys especially 3 younger brothers taught me lessons that I couldn't have learned any other way and I am so thankful for those lessons that all 3 of my brothers have taught me over the last 23 years they've been a part of my life. 

Brother 1: BRONSON

Anyone who knows Bronson knows he's the biggest teddy bear in the world. He might be 6'7" and weigh 265 lbs but that boy is as soft as they come. Michelle always jokes that he he got all the emotions and sensitivity that I lack. He loves love. He loves being in love, he loves giving kisses and hugs out to just about anyone, and he loves to show love. He flirts with every old lady at Days Market and every little girl in the neighborhood calls him their boyfriend. I warned my bestie Steph when she moved in that she could expect a hug and a kiss on the cheek from Bronson the first time she met him. Well Bronson didn't fail and he kissed Steph on the cheek and gave her a huge bear hug. Bronson was my first little brother and is 21 months younger than I am. Most people think he's older because he's married and large and can grow a beard but for the record, I'm 25 and he's 23. Bronny Boy and I, well we have had our ups and downs. I remember he was my best friend before his mission and when he came home he was all sorts of weird. I wanted to kill him most days for a while. I mean, after 2 years apart the first thing he says is, "your dress is kind of short." Of course my dress is short I like to show off my legs!  But Bronson has pushed me my whole life in sports, school, and everything really. He's always been my #1 fan at all my games growing up and into college. He's the one in the family when I want to go get shots up I know he will drop what he's doing and meet me at the gym. When I got to college I really struggled at first expanding my game to the perimeter and he knew it. We would play one on one for hours. And I lost every game. And I would turn the ball over again and again and get so frustrated. I  would foul him hard and shove him and he just took it like a man and kept playing. Bronson is very competitive and hates to lose so he made sure he always won. But his competitive nature wore off on me and I soon had to expand my game. Because of Bronson I soon developed a turn around fade away. I learned the euro step, I learned how to extend and make myself long and finish with contact. I learned aspect of the game that I would've never learned playing with girls. Playing with Bronson also gave me the confidence to play with boys and to go to the gym and get in on the pick up games being the only girl. He was huge for my success as a basketball player but most importantly over the last 23 years he has taught me love. He taught me that its ok to have a soft side and to have emotions and feelings. Its ok to hug and kiss your siblings on the cheek a million times a day, I still don't do that because its not me but I at least let him hug me now. Because Bronson is like this there isn't a doubt in my mind that my little brother loves me because he shows it daily when he chases me down and hugs me. Even though we don't always agree on things, he loves me unconditionally and always has my back like a good younger big brother should. 


Brother 2: CORBIN

Corbin and I have been through the ringer. I despised him most of his life due to his lack of color coordination and flamboyant ways. But once I got over myself I saw him no longer as the "annoying brother I wanted to help dress and teach how to act in public" and he became the funniest person I've ever met in my life and really my rock during one of the toughest times of my life. Corbin was a freshman at Timpview when I was a senior. Well at the time I was a self-absorbed, selfish, arrogant girl and thought I knew everything. Little did I know that his pudgy, dorky, curly haired boy would soon be my main man. Growing up Corbin was the one we picked on. He had a smaller skinnier build than Bronson and I from day 1. It was very clear he got the white genes while Bronson and I were thicker and bigger boned thanks to the Tongan side. Corbin was always the odd man out. One of our favorite games growing up was making Corbin run under the tramp while we tried to jump on him. Or we would tie him to chairs or inside the inner tubes and shove him to the bottom of the pool. Like I said, we picked on this boy and tormented him beyond belief. Flash forward 16 years later. The little boy Bronson and I teased relentlessly is now 6'10" (the tallest), still has that skinny frame, had the option to play D1 football or basketball, and can throw down all sorts of dunks like its nothing. Corbin taught me not to care what people thought, but also to never give up. Corbin was the middle child, was picked on for majority of his life by Bronson and I, and grew up living in the shadow of his All-Star brother and he has no found a way to surpass all of us in size and has forged his own path and is no longer known as just Alexis and Bronson's little brother. He grew late and because of that he didn't play varsity basketball and football as a freshman like Bronson and I had. He waited and as his body matured he did. It wasn't until after his mission he really found that coordination and muscle mass that Bronson had as a 14-year-old boy. Corbin has that never give up attitude. He doesn't always take advice well, but that boy will do something until he does it right and better than you even if he falls 100 times. Sometimes Bronson and I like to take credit for how tough Corbin is because we roughed him up so much when he was younger. But that's just how he is. We went to school for a week with a broken hand and still played basketball and continued on until the bone snapped in half. Most importantly he's been my protector. When Bronson left and I got sick he stepped up and rather than filling the void where Bronson was he made his own space in my heart and soon became a huge part of my life. His resilience to tough times and his sense of humor helped me cope and get through cancer like it was nothing. He has taught me to laugh, to not care, and to always keep fighting.


Brother #3: DEVIN

Devin... well Devin is a funny kid. Growing up we were super super close, but as I've gotten older and as he has we aren't nearly as close as we used to be. The 8 year age gap between Devin and I became very relevant the last 5 years because he has found me controlling and obnoxious and I have found him lazy and spoiled. I think its because I'm the oldest and he's the youngest. If Devin has taught me anything in life though its that if you want something bad enough and work hard enough you'll get it. Devin growing up was built like Bronson. Had to shop in the husky section of the GAP as a little boy and just was always a little thicker. We used to give him a hard time because at one point he got real pudgy, little did we know he was about to his a huge growth spurt. So we gave him a hard time. Teased him for days. Made fun of him for eating a dozen eggo waffles everyday which Michelle cut for him, made fun of him for drinking a gallon of milk everyday, and made fun of him for eating two rows of oreos. We were pretty hard on him. But when no one was paying attention he started to grow. He also started doing P90X abs everyday. Then it was twice a day. This kid would do ab workouts at night when we weren't watching and soon he wasn't the pudgy little boy is a keg. He soon had a baby six pack going on before we knew it. We couldn't really make fun of him anymore so we continued to still make fun of him for being lazy. But Devin really is hard worker. You have to ride his but to do things but when he does, he does a great job. This last year I really wanted to lose weight and I remember I was doing the P90X ab dvd and I was dying 2 minutes into it. How did Devin do this twice a day for weeks on end?! Devin is more quiet. He does his own thing and is often overshadowed by the powering voice of his older brothers. While Bronson and Corbin and I will be talking about how much we benched he will be sitting there dipping his oreos in his milk being quiet. Next thing we know the kid is getting 2-3 sacks in every football game. Devin has taught me that hard work pays off, but also that you don't have to be flashy or showy with what you do. For all we know he might be lifting just as much as the rest of us but he never gloats or boats about it. He's like the dark horse of the family. He sneaks up on you when you least expect it, and with this group lets be honest its probably the smartest way to be. 

Can you see why I have such a soft spot for my boys? Even though they make me mad and more times than I would like to admit I want to kill them, but that's what little brothers are there for. The best part about being a big sister is that I can get mad at them all I want, but the second someone makes my brothers cry I become the meanest person you'll ever meet. No one is allowed to pick on my baby boys but me. I honestly am so thankful though I have 3 brothers instead of 4 sisters. Growing up with all boys for the first 8 years of my life has been the biggest blessing. It not only helped propel my basketball career, but being a tom boy and growing up playing sports and wrestling with my brothers seems so much more fun than playing dress ups and with dolls like my sweet sister Daryl did. Being surrounded by all boys though made me tough. It made me independent, strong, and stubborn. All qualities that I love about myself and have made me the person I am today. So thank you baby brother's for letting me torture you my whole life. For letting me tie you to chairs and shoving you in the pool. For letting me hang your underwear from the telephone wires when I caught you lying to me. And thank you for not seeking revenge on me now that you are all over 6'8" and can probably kill me. Most of all thank you for not being girls because I think I would kill myself if I had 3 more Daryl's growing up. 

I think thats the best part about being the oldest and being a big sister. I remember when all 4 of my little brats were born and now they're all grown up getting married, going on LDS missions, going to college, and its fun to watch them all just grow into their own person. You're like their second mom. You get on their case when they do stupid stuff. You buy them things they need (yes Bronson still asks me to buy him apple juice when I'm at the store). And you try to help them avoid the bumps in the road that you hit because you don't want them to experience anything that could potentially harm them. Having little brothers is like always having a friend on call. At any given time I know one of them will want to go to In N Out at midnight, or play xbox with me, or watch a football game. Its the greatest ever! But I love my little brothers with all my heart and if you don't have a little brother I'm sorry. You truly are missing out on one of the best things in life. You can always borrow one of mine if you really want though. 

2015

Ok so first things first... its a new year yay! Its now officially 2015 and well, this ecard had me dying today at work so I had to start my blog off with it. Does anyone remember watching the Maury show specifically the episodes where you found out who and who wasn't the father? Let me just say, I used to spend too much time watching those episodes. Its not like I was waiting around for the Muary show everyday but I definitely did see my fair share of episodes with the famous line, "You are not the father!" Anyways, I got a good laugh so I figured I needed to share. Back to business though... lets take a minute to talk about the new year. The New Year is a time for people to sit and reflect on everything that's happened over the last 12 months of their existence and to really contemplate on what they're doing with their lives. My New Years eve consisted of Cafe Rio, Game of Thrones, and falling asleep by 9:30. With that being said its not like I was up all night contemplating the previous year or dancing my heart out like I have in years past. This year was different. I went to bed early, woke up early, hit the gym, and continued about my routine as if it was just another regular day in the life of Alexis Kaufusi. I didn't really take a moment to stop and think about 2014 as a whole until a three or four days into 2015 when I was going through some pictures from the last year. 2014 was a good year to me. I changed a lot without even really meaning to. I would definitely say besides 2011 (cancer year), that 2014 has been one of the most significant years of my life and let me tell you why.

2014 was the year I took accountability for myself. I came to grips with the good and the bad of my soul as well making life changes that I will forever be grateful for. I made decisions that would change the course of my life, and I learned lessons the hard way (as usual) which in reality helped me grow even more. 2014 is the year I grew up. I went from the young adult living to eat, drink, and be merry to the young adult who wanted to plan for the future and make a life for herself. For a lot of my friends and family they noticed a lot of the changes in me physically. The losing 35+ lbs or the nights spent staying in watching Food Network as opposed to going out. They noticed a change in how I looked and acted. But the biggest change was the change that, really only I noticed. False. My cousin Hillary noticed. But between her and I the change I'm talking about is the change that took place inside my little head and heart. My thoughts, my opinions,  my views, my beliefs, my attitude, everything that makes me me was solidified. There was no more confusion or wavering. There was no more living in denial of who I was anymore and the mistakes I made. I had changed and finally grown into my own skin. So how does one do such a drastic change in just 12 months? It all started with one simple change and from there the rest came easy. 

Left: December 2013 Right: December 2014

Change 1: So last January my father was so kind as to point out that I had gained some weight. I just kind of shrugged him off and continued on with my life because I didn't agree and most of all I didn't want to admit I had let myself go. At the time I was still adjusting to a new job that was stressful, it was the middle of basketball season, and trying to adjust to the new up at 7:00am was hard. At Vivint I didn't work until 10:00 or 11:00. Yes I know I had a million excuses for everything like I usually do. So beginning of February Steve brought it up again and I ignored him again. It didn't hit me until I went to put on my FAVORITE pair of True Religion jeans. These are my good luck jeans something good always happens when I wear them so I save them for special days. I went to put them on and they didn't fit, like at all. These are a pair of jeans that had always been a little big  on me and now I couldn't even get them on. I panicked. Complete disappointment and frustration instantly set in. For the majority of my life I had always had basketball to keep me in shape so I never really thought about what I ate or how much I worked out because I knew I would go to weights and basketball practice and be fine. But I wasn't working out anymore and the bad eating habits started to take its toll on me. So I started working out. I ordered P90X3 and Tony Horton became my best friend. I religiously would do my 30 minute workouts daily and soon noticed a change. Af

ter a while though I kind of got bored so I ordered T25 and after 5-6 months of T25 and P90X3 I had lost 25 lbs and I couldn't have been happier. After that I started lifting and playing basketball everyday and lost another 10 lbs. At this point I was so proud of myself but I wasn't satisfied. I really wanted to get down to my playing weight which meant I needed to lose 10 more pounds but I kind of plateaued off at this point. For all those months I had been consistently losing weight and then all the sudden I stopped. I realized something else needed to change and so change 2 came into play.

Change 2:  So this change came as a result of change 1. I hit a plateau in my working out and I couldn't figure out why. At the time I was having some major stomach issues. Everything I was eating I was throwing up. So I went to the doctor, turns out I had acquired celiac post cancer which is a common side effect of chemotherapy. So basically what that means is I couldn't eat gluten and I had to do the paleo diet for the rest of my life, aka lots of fruits, vegetables, and meat. I didn't realize until this moment how bad my eating habits were. Due to my work and coaching schedule I would eat out a lot but I would eat Taco Bell, Wendy's, In N Out, etc. Places that were open late and had drive-thrus because I was always on the go driving from work to practice to a rec game to home. I immediately cut out all fast food and gluten (mostly). I started doing meal preps, packing snacks for the day, and drinking a lot more water. I soon felt better. I wasn't throwing up all the time and I just felt different but in the best way possible. Before I knew it I had lost another 10 lbs and had reached my goal of getting down to my playing weight. The best part is that the eating habits I created over the last few months have stuck with me. I've had learn new ways to cook chicken to keep things interesting, and I've learned so many new recipes and foods that I can substitute that still taste amazing and that don't have gluten. First off, Waffle Love has gluten free waffles. Second, spaghetti squash instead of pasta has become one of my favorites and tastes better than normal noodles. So change 2 came as a result of change 1 just like change 3. 

Change 3: As I said change 3 was a result of change 1 as well. I was working out roughly 2 hours a day, not as much as I did when I was playing in college obviously, but it was still a lot. I was really pushing my body and sleep became more of a necessity in my life. During the week I would stay up late doing whatever my little heart desired getting 4-6 hours of sleep. Friday nights I normally spent being out all night with friends though suddenly turned into nights staying in because spinning class was the next morning at 8:00. Saturday nights soon turned into movie nights because I was so tired from a 3 hour gym day. And Sunday became a day of rest like it should be catching up on all the sleep I missed throughout the week from late games or late night gym sessions. All the sudden my weekends went from no sleep and going from one party or gathering to next and transformed into these relaxing chill weekends. I had finally learned discipline. After the cancer thing I had the whole, "I'm going to do what I want and live every day like its my last because I have cancer and am going to die young" attitude. This made for lots of fun stories, sleepless weekends, and great memories. But with the recent changes it wasn't working for me anymore. I now have the attitude, "If I exercise regularly and eat right I won't have to worry about dying from cancer because I'll be living a clean healthy life." 

Change 4: The last major change of 2014 I made is probably the most significant. In 2014 I finally found myself. I realized who I am and where I stand and what I believe. I accepted my flaws and stopped denying them for the first time. Ever. I accepted the things that make me different and rather than hating them learned to love them. I learned that just because someone isn't on the path you want them to be on or is on a different path than you doesn't mean its the wrong path. Everyone is different with different opinions and views and beliefs and that regardless of where you stand you need to be respectful. I learned to accept change. I'm one of the most stubborn people in the world and hate hated change. But change is happening everyday and you can either fight against change, a battle you're going to lose, or learn to roll with the punches and make the everyday changes a new and exciting addition to your path of life whatever it may be. I learned to care less about what I couldn't control and not lose sleep over the opinions and thoughts of others. I learned I was more like my mother than I would have liked to admit, but I couldn't pick a better person to be like. I learned its okay to be a strong independent woman in a world and society where that generally isn't the role of women. I learned its okay to be 25, not married, not wanting to be married, or wanting the typical lifestyle for a girl from Provo Utah. Like I said, everyone's different and should be accepted and respected for their differences, not looked down upon for being themselves. Everyone no matter their differences deserves respect and shouldn't be judged for those differences. In 2014 I grew up and realized who I really am and learned to love myself for me. You can't expect those around you to love you if you can't even love yourself.

In 2011 I was blessed to have been able to fight a victorious battle against the dreaded Cancer. After that year I was absolutely positive that would be the most significant year in my life. During that year some big things happened right? I beat a lot of odds and was so sure that from that moment on I was invincible. I mean, good Lord I just beat cancer isn't that basically an automatic go pass Go and collect $200 and live happily ever after? No. I learned that as time went on that who I am wasn't defined by my disease or my ability to live through it or a free pass from life. That was just a stepping stone that helped mold me into who I would later become and 2014 was the year I realized who I had become. I was finally done molding myself into an adult with opinions and views and thoughts. I was done being confused. Even though it took majority of 2014, some ups and downs, some long nights of driving listening to Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith, and some long hours at the gym shooting a million free throws to settle my thoughts I finally figured it out. I finally was done wandering on and off my path and found my way. Besides losing weight and finding myself a lot happened in 2014 for not just myself but my family and those around me.

• I got see Lorde live in Seattle
• I had 3 molars pulled the same day Daryl got her wisdom teeth out
• I rediscovered my passion for basketball 
• I got a new coaching job at a new school 
• My childhood best friend Diane had a baby as well as my dear friend Kim
• Corbin came home from his 2 year LDS mission to Seoul Korea
• Michelle broke her foot, Daryl blew her knee out (again), I had bleeding Ulcers, Hilary broke her leg, and Corbin got Type A influenza
• Bronson and Hil celebrated their 1 year anniversary 
• Michelle did a Christmas card for the first time in like, 8 years!
• We went and saw Cher live while in California
• Devin earned a scholarship to BYU to play football and won his 3rd consecutive state championhip
• Daryl played all soccer season on a torn ACL, earned a scholarship to BYU-Hawaii to play soccer, won region for soccer (the last time Timpview won region was when I was playing), and got surgery after a tough loss in State semi finals
• Corbin and I were able to go to Australia and New Zealand for the trip of a lifetime 
• Bronson got moved to linebacker and had a injury filled football season! But he still got some sacks!
• I turned 25!
• Corbin decided to play basketball and is doing great
• Steve is still an avid Spurs fan, did I mention the Lakers beat the Spurs?
• Bronson and I still reign as undefeated Family basketball champions #dreamteam

2014 you were awesome... after 25 years and 3 months though I'm excited to start a new section in my book of life, the section where I'm actually grown up and can make intelligent decisions and good choices. To get this point though I made every wrong choice, decision, and took the hard road but I am so thankful for my stupidity because I learned so much from it and it made me tougher. More than ever, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this because I made fun of everyone for tweeting this, I feel like this is a new year new me. Stupid and cliche but its so true! So far 2015 has been full of well, basketball and more basketball! Let be honest though, I couldn't think of a better way to start off a new year. 

New year. New me... Literally

Gag I feel like I cant end like that but oh well.

Thanks for the good times 2014