This Ones For the Girls...

This post has taken me a long time to post. I actually wrote 3 posts prior before this idea came to me. I was scrolling through my twitter feed and I saw a quote by Maya Angelou. I apologize for her French but this quote just hit me for some reason:

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a b****. 

You've got to go out and kick a**."

- Maya Angelou

After reading this quote I realized I needed to post something for the girls. Being a girl isn't easy by any means. Girls have to deal with periods, carrying a baby in their belly for 9 months, menopause, getting boobs smack in the middle of the awkward years, and are usually expected to wear make up and dresses on the regular. Maybe that was too blunt of a statement... but its the truth! I was raised in a very open home so I apologize but life's just easier when you're blunt honest and up front about things. Back to this quote, with the recent passing of Maya Angelou a lot of her quotes and what not have been surfacing and are being plastered all over social media. Like I said, this one stopped and caught my eye. With high school graduations happening and everything I've also been thinking a lot about when I was 18 and what choices I made and didn't make and what exactly got me to this point. I won't lie I'm different than most girls. I was raised with brothers and boy cousins so I don't think like a girl. I don't get my feelings hurt easily. I don't like make up and shopping and dresses. When I fight with someone I don't want to talk about it, cry about it, then hug it out. I want to spend 2 minutes tops saying sorry then go play basketball or xbox about it. When I was 14 and new to Provo most girls my age were so obsessed with Mark Ercanbrack because they thought he was so cute. I was too busy playing basketball with him to really notice. See what I mean? Now I wouldn't call myself a feminist I feel like that's too extreme. But I do see myself equal as an equal to any guy and if anything more skilled. My whole life I've been independent and always voiced my thoughts. When I was in the BYU dorms my freshman year every girl out there wanted to find their "eternal companion" and be married by 19. I was too busy playing Guitar Hero and basketball yet again. Everyday we hear on the news the mistreatment of women around the world and how women are being sold as slaves still. Everyday I see young high school girls get pushed around by a stupid boy or even a girl just scared to say how she feels. So this post is for the girls. Here's my advice to you all...

You Are Good Enough

Having been around high school girls and coaching basketball for a while now I hear everyday "I'm not good enough." Whether that phrase ties to basketball, school, friends, family, whatever it may be you should never not feel good enough. Because the truth is you are. You're probably better than you think. There's no such thing as a perfect human, so why strive for something that doesn't exist? For me I've learned not to compare myself to anyone. Why? Because no one is like me. No one knows my thoughts, my experiences, my feelings, or my ambitions in this life. So why compare myself to someone not even in a similar category? When you stop comparing yourself to others, you actually realize you were too good all along.

Confidence Is Key

I had a roommate in college who everyday told me, "Fus don't forget, confidence is key." I didn't realize exactly what that meant until I was older. But its so true. When you have confidence in yourself and your abilities anything is possible. Confidence is something I never lacked. I probably have too much and am borderline on the cocky side of things. At a young age though I knew what I was good at and what I wasn't and that's where I found my confidence. I didn't find confidence in throwing a baseball with my brothers or singing songs for people. I found it in shooting free throws or sitting down and playing the piano. I think the biggest reason people put each other down is because everyone knows someone with an unwavering confidence can be a scary thing. Confidence doesn't come from being right all the time, it comes from not being afraid to be wrong. So have confidence in yourself! Confidence really is the key to being successful in anything. The second you gain confidence in yourself if also when the sky becomes your limit and anything is possible.

Relationships Can Be Your Enemy

So relationships... Relationships are great. Honestly I see nothing wrong with them, except when they do more harm than good and become toxic. No one deserves being with someone who puts them down, makes them feel stupid, and who doesn't let them think for themselves. Now that I'm older and I look back so many guys that I knew in high school and who were my friends were like that. They wanted to be with a girl who didn't think for themselves and who didn't speak their mind. That's probably why I was always invited to the play Xbox with them rather than be their girlfriend lets be honest. So girls... I don't care who you're with but if you're dating someone who doesn't see the value in you and who treats you like anything less than a Queen, drop'm! Every girls should be treated every day like they're a Queen. 

Don't Let Others Crush Your Dreams

In life I've learned that people, especially authoritative figures in your life, think they know whats right and know whats best for you. That's not necessarily true. I mean yes growing up your parents probably know whats best but there comes a point where you know whats best for you. When I was 14 I remember sitting in a church class and my teacher asked all of us girls where we saw ourselves in 10 years. Every girl said the same thing and I quote, "When I'm 24 I want to be married to a return missionary in the temple and have at least one or two kids." Don't get me wrong great aspirations, just not mine. My response was,"I hopefully will be done playing college basketball and in medical school." My teacher looked at me funny and told me that I needed to rethink my answer because I needed to care more about getting married and starting a family as opposed to a career. I was so mad I left the class. Flash forward 10 years. I played college basketball. Clearly I'm not in medical school. But I'm not married. I have no children, at least that are babies that came out of me. I work full time, I coach basketball, and I'm starting the prerequisites for a Masters degree this August. I look at my friends who are my age who got married at 18 and have two kids and they're happy, but I couldn't imagine myself being married with two kids at this point. What I'm saying is, if you have a dream don't let someone tell you its the wrong one. No one knows your heart better than yourself, so follow it and do whats going to make you happy. Not what society thinks will make you happy.

You Is Kind, You Is Smart, You Is Important

If you haven't seen the movie The Help then come to my house tonight and I'll let you borrow it. There's a scene where Aibileen tells Mae Mobley (little girl she watches), "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." This phrase kind of brings in everything I've said. The English isn't proper, which usually bothers me, but I love it. If every girl from the time they're 2 to 20 heard this, they'll believe it. What a powerful statement that is so simple yet so full of truth. Every little girl, every high school girl, and every woman alive should know that they are smart and important and worth something. That way when the day comes when you're challenged and aren't sure if you can do something or faith in yourself, you'll remember this phrase and you'll know that you are kind, you are smart, and you are important. Seeing the value in yourself is whats going to help you find true happiness.

So there you have it, my advice to you girls out there. Be fearless and independent and know what you're capable of. I love in this day and age so many books and movies and TV shows are having strong female roles. Divergent, Hunger Games, Game of Thrones, Revenge are just a few examples. There are athletes and actresses who are taking over the lime light: Serena and Venus Williams, Hope Solo, Danica Patrick, Beyonce, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift. These are all women who are taking over and making a difference. At the end of the day how can you expect people to value you and your opinion and your abilities if you don't? So start now doing little things to help you see your value and important. Have enough respect to put someone in their place and to walk away from a toxic relationship. It all starts with you. If you love yourself, respect yourself, and have confidence in yourself then everyone else will too. 

So this post might be a little one sided. Little biased, but its how I feel. And I think its just what some people need to hear. But on a side note, its warm in Utah. I think spring is finally settled in and we don't have to worry about a snow storm any time soon. Corbin comes home in just 16 days and  hours. My family is going to Cher is 38 days. Also summer is around the corner. I'm looking for some summer weekend adventures so if any of you are feeling adventurous justa let me know I volunteer as tribute! Cancer update: I'm healthy as a shark (I don't like horses but I do like sharks). Next check up is in November and Corb will be able to come just like the good old chemo days. Anyways, enjoy summer while its here and be safe! Don't forget,

You Is Kind, You Is Smart, You Is Important.

Alexis 

Cancer: So does it hurt or what?

Well can you guess what this post is about? Its crazy to think that a little over 3 years ago I was diagnosed with this terminal illness that was going to probably kill me. Lets all have an honest moment, probably will kill me eventually- if that doesn't get me first the zombie apocalypse will. But on a serious note a few years ago I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. I could use the proper long official meaning but no one really cares about that because it doesn't make sense to the normal human being. So before I get going on the important stuff, here's the quickie version of how I found out I got cancer... 

Once upon a time I was 21 and a sophomore playing basketball at BYU. One day I noticed large lumps in my neck and face. I was sick all the time and my playing time decreased because I was so tired. After a month of medrol packs and z packs and other antibiotics we decided to do a CT scan because the lumps were getting massive. We found roughly 9 masses just in my neck and face. The next day we did an emergency biopsy and discovered I had stage 3 Hodgkins Lymphoma. Now no offense to the Utah Valley hospital (I was diagnosed wrong) but the second we found out we booked it up to The Huntsman Cancer Institute. A month later after more tests and biopsies I was re-diagnosed with stage 4 NON Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It took a panel of doctors to diagnose me from around nation. Why? Because the specific kind **Remember the proper long official meaning? So that portion of my diagnoses** that I had didn't match me. The kind of cancer I have has an average age of 60-70 years. Most people die from it within the first 7-10 years of being diagnosed. And once you'e a stage 4 it usually isn't curable. For those new to the cancer world there's 4 stages. Stage 4 is the worst stage and basically means its in your bones, blood, all your organs, and lymph system, and just everywhere. So when I was diagnosed I was 21 and in the prime of my life and it was so strange I had this specific cancer. What wasn't strange was that my Grandma Garrick and her dad my Great Grandpa Kenner both passed away from this exact cancer. So is it genetic? Probably. Anyways I started chemo and did a couple rounds of that, did some chemo in the spine, had some touch up surgeries, and BAM! Flash forward 3 years and I have long hair, I have eyebrows and eyelashes, and I'm not even on any medications.

So there's the quickie version of my cancer story. But now here's a little more in detail about the main question I get asked, Does it hurt? I get asked almost every time someone finds out I have cancer if it hurts or not. To answer your question, yes and no. To really have my answer make sense I'm now going to step by step take you through a normal day at chemo and some other cancer perks...

Accessing the Port, Doesn't Hurt

So when you do chemo most patients get a portacath. Some get a stint in their hand, others get a portacath in their chest. I named my port Pasiley. No Paisley doesn't make cancer hurt. So while driving up to chemo I would also rub lidocaine on Paisley so when they accessed her it wouldn't hurt. Once I arrive at chemo they access Paisley, basically like setting up an IV but they shoot the needle into my port, then they draw blood. Then they clean Paisley out with some saline, then I walk over to the infusion room. Once there I get two wristbands one that says ALLERGY and on that says my name on it. Lastly while waiting to go back a nice lady brings a cart around with free beanies, treats, and snacks. Naturally my family because we love food always hold the poor lady up because everyone wants 4 of everything. The best part is I always got a free beanie at this point in my long day. Simple right? Well the easiest part is over.

Chemo, Hurts

This is the part that people get confused. The actual chemo doesn't hurt physically. Its not like someones beating it in through your port so it hurts. It hurts in a different way. When I did chemo I always like to be in a room with a bed. That way I could just lay there and I could have more visitors back with me. So people don't really understand what you do at chemo. Basically all you do is sit there or lay there. Thats it. Your only job is to keep breathing and try not to throw up. So once I was in my bed they would hook up the first two bags and they would drop in. This took an hour or two depending on how I felt. Some times especially at first I would get really sick during these bags and they would have to drip a bag of water, shoot me up with benedryl, then start all over and drip it slower. FYI there's poison and bad things in chemo so you have weird reactions. So after the clear bags come the manual injections. I always did 6 of these. Now these injections... there are the clear ones, easy. Didn't notice them and they weren't hard. Next were the red ones. The red injection is what makes you sick, lose your hair, and kills everything. Side note, why are these manually? Well if injected too fast you'll die. So the nurse sits with a stop watch and times herself as she injects it so it doesn't go too fast or too slow, that way you don't die. So this red injection I started calling Satan's Punch because it literally makes you want to die. Not to mention it completely burns going down. I remember one day looking around at all the old people, yes it was me the 21 yr old and fifteen 75 yr olds, and they all only had one injection of Satan's Punch. I had three. Then my doctor explained to me they nearly doubled up my chemo dosages because I was so strong physically and so young my body could handle it. Go me... So after Satan's Punch the hard part is over. The next 3 hours I usually sit while the last 2-3 bags drop and I try to sleep this part off. So the actually action of chemo going in doesn't hurt. Its just like having an IV drop but there's chemo in it dripping in. Chemo hurts because it kills everything inside you. Ya you don't feel it killing everything but you see it as your hair falls out or as your skin gets pale. It also hurts because it makes you puke and that's never a fun feeling. So chemo isn't terrible but yes it has weird side effects that hurt. 

Losing your Hair, Hurts

In the movies I've seen about cancer they leave out this part. Its not like you get cancer then the next day after chemo your hair falls out. Its a process that takes about 2-3 weeks sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. For me it took 2 weeks. In order to lose your hair every single hair follicle has to die. In order for this to happen you have to experience a very painful headache. Its amazing because you go to chemo and a few days later you have a bad headache. It feels like your head is under some kind of pressure. Just as you think it isn't going to go away you wake up and its gone. Now when this day happened I remember the doctor telling me when your head stops hurting your hair will fall out. Sure enough that morning as I was drying my hair huge chunks of hair came falling out onto the ground. If you knew me prior to chemo you'd know I used to have hair almost to my waist. When this happened I cut my hair to my shoulders because the doctors said it would help it not be as painful as it was dying. So that night between my teammates and my brother we pulled out my hair and shaved my head. I still have a bread of my original hair actually in a scrapbook at the Gypsy Lair.So not to get confused, when your actually starts falling out it doesn't hurt. Like at all. What hurts is the week before as your hair follicles are dying and your head is throbbing. 

Bone Marrow Biopsies and Spinal Taps, HURT

So these two things I got lucky enough and didn't have to have very many, but good Lord they hurt most out of everything! So bone marrow biopsies. You lay down and they pull down your pants and start giving you shots of numbing stuff. This hurts so bad. I was gripping the sides of the table dripping sweat and biting the pillow. So they do a handful of these numbing shots that kill. Then they stick this HUGE needle in your hip bone and suck out your bone marrow. So this feeling is just awkward and uncomfortable. You can actually feel in inside of the bone marrow leaving your body and its so weird! The best part is when I got my first one done the nurse doing it was probably 5'4" and needed a stool to see over me enough to do it. She had to actually twist and shove and do all kinds of weird things to get the needle in. Being able to hear it go into my hip bone and all that didn't help the cause. So after all that they get this tiny little sample out, well it wasn't good enough. So they had to do it all over again. Oh the struggle of being me. So bone marrow biopsies. So painful and if you can avoid them do so at all costs. Now the spinal tap. So this doesn't hurt but its uncomfortable and well, I passed out during mine. Let me break it down, you curl up in a ball and they put a needle between your vertebrae and shoot chemo all up in your spinal cord. So as they're doing this its just uncomfortable and you feel this pressure back there. So I remember during mine I felt this sudden rush and literally saw this bright light. No I wasn't dying, I just fainted. So what was the bright light? No idea but it was bright and white then dark and I woke up holding my Mom's hand. As mentioned earlier, if you acn avoid bone marrow biopsies and spinal taps at all costs do so. I'd rather offer my pinky finger as an offering than do either one of those again.

So the big question, does cancer hurt? Well yes. At times it hurts psychically, it hurts just as much emotionally and mentally and every other way possible. But is it the end of the world? No. Maybe I have too much of an optimistic look on it all. At the end of the day though that little trial and bump in the road really opened up my eyes. I basically had laser hair removal for a year, I was bald, I got lots of blankets, I didn't have to go to school, and I met a lot of great people. So cancer... Some people don't know how to really approach me about it. Just ask me. I have no problem talking about it! If anything its one of the few things in the world I actually understand so its easy to talk about. But if you can avoid cancer, then do it. That way you wont need bone marrow biopsies, and you won't faint and make a fool of yourself, and you don't have to move back in with your parents for a few years. Anyways, there's my cancer story in a nut shell. If you want the full story shoot me a text or go check out my cancer blog alexiskaufusi.blogspot.com. I hope you all enjoyed your Mother's day! Mine was quite lovely talking to Elder Kaufusi who comes home in LESS THAN A MONTH. Anyways... Well have a good rest of your week and happy Hump Day! 

Alexis

Gypsy Mother 101

With Mother's Day just around the corner I felt like it would be appropriate to blog about the Gypsy. Now my gypsy is a special gypsy and thats because well, shes my gypsy. Michelle has the knowledge of 100 gypsies as well as 100 lifetimes and it just seems appropriate I share some of her knowledge with you all as well as somethings you might not know about her... 

1. McDonalds Has the Best Diet Coke

There is nothing Michelle loves more than an ice cold diet coke, and according to her McDonalds has the best diet coke. Probably because the syrup to soda ratio is lopsided but either way, McDonalds has the best diet coke and its only $1. Now Swig on the other hand has equally as good diet coke, the only issue... Styrofoam cups. Gypsies don't like Styrofoam cups. The sound of styrofoam makes their ears hurt. Mormons are real into the food storage. Michelle's food storage consists of two 12 packs of DC. So if you ever want to make a Gypsy happy take her a diet coke from McDonalds with extra ice.

2. Running Multiple Miles is Fun!

This lesson never really sunk in for me. Gypsies like to run. And by run I mean they will run for 26.2 miles and call it fun. Then a few months later do it again. And as if that wasn't enough they add in biking and swimming for the change of scenery. For some reason gypsies just love to run. They also love to bike through to the top of South Fork, Sundance, and Squaw Peak consecutively just because its a nice day out. Clearly you can see why I never caught onto this. But the trick is, you need to let the Gypsies do this or they will be angry all day! So when your Gypsy needs her alone time to go run, let her go for as long as she needs!

3. A Clean House Is a Happy House. 

As mentioned before in my previous blog if Michelle had a life motto it would be this. A Clean house is a happy house, and by clean house that means immaculate and not a single spec of dust anywhere or you will be punished. This is the way of the Gypsy. If that means cleaning everyday, then you clean everyday. And sometimes if your bed isn't made and you go to school, the Gypsy will come and kidnap you from Timpview and take you home to make your bed. Or you'll come home to find your clothes piled on your bed that were once scattered across your bedroom floor. This makes it nearly impossible to nap. So to make a Gypsy happy you clean as your told and you also make your bed and put your laundry away everyday. No excuses.

4. Gypsies Eat Diet Coke and Baked Goods for Breakfast

Now to maintain a gypsy like figure one must eat quality meals for breakfast... which includes a can of diet coke and a baked good of sorts. Now my whole childhood, teenage years, and even when I was a young adult living with the Gypsy she always made us kids a nice hot breakfast. Usually scrambled eggs, oatmeal, waffles, cinnamon and sugar french toast, banana pancakes, just to give you an idea. While we were eating our heavenly breakfast she was chowing down on frosting dipped graham crackers and a DC. She just loves her sweets. My theory is it gets her going because she wakes up at 5:00am everyday and goes hard all day until 12:00am. I always know she will be awake late if I need someone to talk to. So, when you make a Gypsy breakfast in bed make sure its a diet coke and a slice of cake or something like that. 

5. Gypsies Crave Grandchildren! So They Take What They Can Get...

I'm the oldest of 5 kids and well, I'm approaching 25. Yes I'm 25 I went to BYU and I'm not married. I'm one of the elite. Marriage isn't really my cup of tea at the time and I have more important things to do like watch food network. Now Gypsies love grandchildren. I'm not married, Bronson and Hil are still children playing their respective sports and what not, Corbin is on a mission, and we don't want to see Daryl and Devin on MTVs 16 and Pregnant so Michelle has no grand babies. In the mean time she fills her void by watching my two dogs. When she has Bella my St Bernard I always come home to Bella with pink bows and ribbons. She also is the favorite great Aunt to all my cousins kids. By favorite I mean they love her more than their own mothers sometimes. So until the Gypsy can get some grand babies just plan on your young children loving her more than you after 5 minutes of being with her. Also plan them being fed candy and given treats and toys of all kinds. She has a way with children. 

6. Gypsies Travel All Over and Take Selfies Along the Way

So my Gypsy just like any other Gypsy loves to travel. Some of her favorite spots include China, Laie Hawaii, Boston, San Fran, Portland, and Medicine Hat Canada. Just kidding the Gypsy hates Medicine Hat Canada, but as you can see shes a well traveled Gypsy. She's driving across the US of A multiple times and because of her work she gets to go to some amazing places and takes selfies along the way. She has selfies in places that one can only imagine! Shes so good at documenting her adventures! So if you ever need the 411 on really anywhere in the US or China or Canada you call my Gypsy and she will fill you in.

7. Gypsies Love to Dance

At a young age the Gypsy lady showed talent in the field of Dance and Cheering. So naturally she was cheerleader and a dancer through high school and college. This is how she met Steve. She was a cougarette, he was a football player. Typical love story of a Gypsy and a Tall Dark and Handsome Brown Man. Anyways, even in her older age (by older I mean shes not 20 anymore) she dances. Whether its on our annual Christmas Eve dance party, playing dance central and beating everyone, or teaching a class the Gypsy has rhythm. Sadly to say only one of us 5 kids got that rhythm. Either way Gypsies love to dance! 

8. Gypsies Don't Age

If you compare these two pictures you can clearly see that Gypsies don't age. They manage to maintain a youthful appearance even when they are 62. My Gypsy isn't 62 but I'm sure she will look the same when she is. I mean she has a better body than Daryl and I and shes our Mother! People when we are in public usually ask if she's my sister. I mean, if anything she's probably gotten younger since I've known her. So if you're a Gypsy, well congratulations! You will still look 25 while the rest of us really do look 48. 

9. Gypsies Want to Rule the World

Ok so this statement isn't entirely true but man does my Gypsy do a lot for our little Provo Community. She's the head of the school board and does community counsel and on the board of trustees or something? Ok I won't lie I honestly don't know exactly what she does or her exact titles but she knows everything that happens in the city of Provo and is usually found speaking at big events. I think its because secretly the Gypsies want to take over America but frankly if she were to run the world it would be a good thing. I know for a fact the world would be a much cleaner place, children won't starve, and there would be a World Wide Holiday in honor of Cher.  If you ever want to know anything about whats happening in the little city of Provo just call my Gypsy. She knows EVERYTHING.

10. Gypsies Just Want to Have A Good Time

At the end of the day the Gypsy just wants to have fun! She's all about having a good time and doing whatever is going to be a good time. If that means we are going to steal a crib and push each other in the hallway of the hotel in it then we are. If that means we are going to call Bronson while he's on his mission just to say hi then we will. And if that means taking you and your friends to go toilet paper the girl, who your boyfriend cheated on you with, house then she will do so and fund the whole project. Gypsies are fun and they just want to have a good time so you just let them. Sometimes you just have to sit back watch and shake your head but its all good fun in the end. 

So there are some fun facts about my Gypsy. I really am the luckiest little brat in the whole world to get a mom as awesome as her. Not all moms would put up with my shenanigans and the things I do but she does so and usually smiles about it. If not I buy her a DC and some Cafe Rio and she usually does after. So with Mother's day being this weekend I hope you all give your moms a hug. Especially if she is a Gypsy Mother because those are the coolest ones anyway. Have a great weekend! And if you're Mormon have fun talking to your missionary!!! I know I can't wait to talk to mine. 

Don't forget, hug your Gypsy and buy her a Diet Coke and tell her you love her! 

Alexis