Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How To Be Happy 101


Happiness... Lets be honest. We are born. We grow up. We get old. We Die. Its the natural pattern of life. But in between the part where we are born and we die we spend those years living life and striving for happiness right? I mean, I don't know anyone who purposely strives for misery and if they are then they probably need professional help. But during those years between life and death we do what we need to do to be happy. Sounds easy right? Live life and be happy, but its not easy as we all know. Life has ups and downs, twists and turns, dead ends and U turns, and every other kind of wrinkle that could possibly take place. These can also be known as trials. Life is this great thing, but you know you get trials along with it and the crazy thing is everyone's trials are different. Everyone's situation, upbringing, and lifestyle is different from one another. So with all these people striving for happiness in their own special way can ultimately complicate finding happiness. I had a basketball coach who would always say if we put all our problems out on the table and got to pick which ones we wanted we would still pick our own. Problems, trials, potholes in the road, call it you what you will but life happens. In my last post I talked about how life happens and well it does. If life was easy then it would be boring and no one would have any cool stories or scars or anything to really talk besides the weather. Sometimes our trials add in the adrenaline and excitement that you need. Sometimes trials can also add in the set back and the struggle that we really don't need, but every trial happens for a reason. Lately I found a quote that I love. I've done a lot of reflecting on my life lately and the twists and turns its had and when I read this quote it just really made everything come full circle. 


"There's no such thing as regrets, just lessons learned"


Can I just say that I love this?? I won't lie I've done a fair share of stupid things in my life. I've disappointment my parents a countless amount of times, I've made myself look like a real idiot, and I have made my own life as difficult as I could without having those intentions. But life happens and my choices are my choices to live with. But if life has all these trials then what do we do to find happiness? How do we become happy with all the crap going on? Now I'm not trying to brag about myself or say how awesome I am because I know for a fact I'm not. Like I said everyone's trials are different but with mine I've found optimism and happiness is really the only way to get through them and to see them as blessings rather than trials. But like I said, happiness is a choice so how do you just choose to be happy? Its not as easy as we all think it is but here are some of my own secrets on how to choose happiness and to really just be happy.

1. CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLES
One of my high school basketball coaches once told me this. I had just torn ligaments and shattered my ankle in practice  and I was absolutely devastated. This was my first real injury ever and the thought of missing all of preseason basketball as a sophomore was the end of the world for your typical 16 year old. Because of the severity of the injury I was my coach's TA for a class period and one day she told me I needed to control the controllables. She told me I couldn't control what happened but that I could control my attitude, my interactions with my teammates, and I could control my time in the weight room and doing rehab. Now this was only the first injury of many more to come and throughout every physical set back I've had I always think about controlling the controllables. Now this concept can carry over to every aspect of life. In life you can't always control everything that happens but you can always control how you react, and how you treat those around you. At the end of the day I think what matters most how we treat those we interact with. Some people get so caught up in how others are living and if its in accordance with what they believe when in reality we should be worrying about how we treat those around us and how we react to the adversity that's thrown at us. Do we shut down and hate the world or do we rise above it? Control what you can and good things will follow. 

2. LAUGH OFTEN
I honestly think people underestimate what a good laugh can really do for you. Sometimes when we are down all we really need is someone to make us laugh and all the sudden everything is okay. Humor can be a great tool for relief from physical or emotional pain and even stress. Now when I had cancer back in the day my doctors told me it would be good for me to find the good and stay positive for obvious reasons. At the time I didn't think or realize how big of a role humor would play in my healing process. Between Corbin and Steph I was constantly finding things to laugh at. If you know my brother Corbin or my bestest Steph then you know how funny these two are. They can do really any accent and perfect impersonations of anyone so you're guaranteed a good laugh. Sometimes you need to laugh about whats going on and keep in mind it could always be worse. I remember in the middle of my chemo months I found myself at the church playing basketball. I was completely bald, my skin had a yellow tint to it, and I could barley take 3 shots without the exhaustion settling in but I couldn't help but laugh. Yes I was laughing at my pathetic efforts compared to what I could do just 3 months prior but I was also laughing and smiling because I realized how blessed I was despite of what everyone thought. Yes I had cancer, but I still had all my limbs, I could still see and hear and taste and smell, and I could still shoot a basketball even if it was only 3 times before I needed a water break. If you can find the humor in everything and use humor to help you through the hard times it makes those hard times seem less hard and more like a bend in the road rather than a pothole. 


3. LOVE YOURSELF
Does anyone remember when they were a kid and you didn't notice the fact that you didn't have a flat muffin-top-less stomach? Or you didn't notice that you were the shortest one or the tallest of your whole class? Or that your ears poked out more than everyone else? I remember those days. I didn't even become self conscious of myself until well, 6th grade? When I realized wow I am the tallest kid in the whole school including boys and girls. Lets be honest everyone is different and everyone has a different genetic make up that makes them predisposed to be a certain way. Because Steve is brown I can't help it that my skin is naturally darker than majority of my friends. Thats just the way it is. Not all of us can have perfect bodies like Angelina Jolie and Channing Tatum. Some of us have to work harder but no matter what, we need to learn to love ourselves. So many times I hear people talk about how they wish their nose was different, they had different color of eyes, they want to be taller or shorter, or have more muscle. I won't lie I find myself guilty of doing this a lot. I would love to have a flat stomach and green eyes and thicker hair. But its important not to forget that we are all originals and we should love ourselves rather than trying to change everything that's makes you, you. I should love that I'm a little thicker in the mid section and that my eyes are brown like dog poop and that my hair is thin and stringy right? Ok maybe those were extreme examples but we should learn to love how we are rather than find everything wrong and try to change it. There was a time I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't like the person I was and I had gained a lot of weight, and I found myself being very negative about who I was and the person I was becoming. It took a lot of time and dedication and some real changes to how I lived but I can honestly say I am happy with myself again. When you're happy with yourself you have confidence. And someone with confidence can accomplish anything because belief in yourself is more than half the battle. 


4. HELP PEOPLE OUT AROUND YOU
The Gypsy always told us to make sure we do nice things for people because when you're serving others you forget about your own problems. Lets be honest we all know this is true. Growing up I found myself guilty sometimes when I would have to go to church service projects. I would drag my feet and have a bad attitude. But by the time we were done, I would forget all about how much I was dreading the service project and wanting to do more for those around me. Now by helping others out doesn't mean you need to organize a huge clothing drive to send large amounts of clothes to a 3rd world country on the other side of the planet. There's so many little things that you can do just around your own neighborhood or even your own family. A smile or a hello can go a long way. You never know how people's day are going so always smile at people and always say hi. When you're at home and see the garbage is full or the dishwasher needs to be loaded do it. Your mother will love you and you get brownie points with her. Open the door for the moms trying to shop with their 5 kids running around and help the old lady at the grocery store get something off the top shelf. Helping those around you doesn't need to be something huge, just do little things. If the opportunity presents itself where you can do something huge then do it. But there's a lot of people who could use a helping hand just in your backyard.


5. FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND DO IT
Every one has a passion for one thing or another. Some people love to cook, some people love to count numbers, and some people love to be around kids. Whatever it is, find your passion and find a way to incorporate it into your every day schedule. Now my passion in life is basketball so everyday I find ways to work basketball into my day. Every day I make sure I either watch, coach, or play basketball. Sometimes when I'm lucky I get to do all 3. Whether its pick up or late night shooting sessions at the gym I make sure I try to get some form of basketball in. I coach during the summer and when season starts I'm lucky enough to coach everyday from October to February. And when I come home I watch whatever college or NBA games that are on TV, especially my Lakers. No matter how my day is going I always find time for basketball. There's times I find myself at work watching basketball YouTubes just because I need that little pick me up. Whatever your passion is find time for it. I won't lie I have moments where I look at the clock its 1 am and I want to go play so I get up, drive to 24 hour, and shoot for an hour with myself. Whatever you love find ways to make it a part of your daily routine and make it a priority. 

6. GRATITUDE
The definition of gratitude is the quality of being thankful and the readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Every one shows gratitude in different ways. Some people are verbal and like to tell you, some people are physical and like to hug it out, and some people are like me and will send you a thank you card. No matter what you do, show gratitude. With it being the month of November aka month of giving thanks and with Thanksgiving in a week I think it would be a great time to start a gratitude journal. I've been doing one for about 2 weeks and to be honest, I feel I need to publicize some of the things I write because they're kind of funny. But when you are searching to show thanks you really notice things you didn't notice before... example here is last nights...

"tonight I am thankful for the Romans for being the first known to make scrambled eggs. I only like scrambled eggs so if they hadn't done it, then I wouldn't eat eggs which would be detrimental to my bod."

Now I know that was kind of a joke but I'm serious! Last night I was cooking myself my scrambled egg whites and I realized I had my eggs over easy and sunny side up so I would never eat eggs if they weren't scrambled. Since I've been doing my gratitude journal its not like I've had this life huge altering experience and the clouds opened up and I heard trumpets playing. Its made me aware of the little things in life that actually matter and that we take so much for granted. I won't life everyday I am so thankful for my cancer and for all my health problems because they wouldn't have made me who I am and its helped me appreciate basketball and those healthy days so much more. So 3 times I a day I write down what I'm thankful for. One in the morning, afternoon, and before I go to bed. Do it and you'll find yourself noticing the little things and being more willing to show gratitude in all aspects of life, even the bad things. 

7. FIND YOUR PEOPLE
If you've ever seen Grey's Anatomy you know the notorious line by Christina Yang says,

"If I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person."

Now we aren't supposed to take this literally. Don't go out and kill someone and see who the first person who comes to mind. That's not the way to find your person. What I am saying is find your person. Find your people. Surround yourself by people who you know would do anything for you. People who aren't afraid to challenge you because they love you and care about you that much. People who regardless of how you treat them and what you do will stand by your side when you need. Those are the people you need to surround yourself with. So many times in my life I found myself with people who didn't care who I thought cared. People who I thought were my friend and who I could trust but in those moments when I needed someone they weren't there. As human beings we can't help but want to be around other people whether they're friends or family. We all need someone. The hard part is finding someone who's going to be loyal and stick with you through life when life decides to shake things up a bit. If you want to be happy find your people or your person and never let them go. Rather realize how lucky you are to have found them and experience life with them surrounding you. 


Happiness really is a choice at the end of the day. Choosing happiness isn't always easy especially with all the crap that goes on in the world. I'm not saying if you do all these things you're going to happiest most optimistic person in the world. Life sucks sometimes and its good to realize that and take it in and cope the way you need to. But happiness is attainable if you want it to be. If you surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, change your attitude and mind set, laugh a little but preferably laugh a lot, find your passion and do it, show gratitude in every aspect of life small or large, and love yourself I honestly can say you'll be happier.  And there might come a time in your life where you need to stop pleasing everyone around you and do what you want. No one finds true happiness by pleasing everyone else and be selfish for your own happiness' sake. These aren't things you can just do for a week and expect a change. These things take time.. But you know what, after time passes you'll find yourself happy and realizing just how blessed you really are. 





Monday, November 17, 2014

I Guess This Is Growing Up

I have the greatest news... my writers block has left me! The last few months I have easily written over 17 different blogs and have deleted all 17 of them. It didn't feel right. I'm the kind of person when I write I can't share it until I feel its perfect. Until I feel that peace of mind that I've written something worthy of someone's time. Life has been busy trying to balance work, coaching, working out, an attempted social life, family, friends and in the midst of all this I've really found myself. I've realized that at 25  I am officially growing up. I saw something on Facebook that basically described what I was feeling. It was one of those list pages and it was entitled "17 things people born in the late 80s are currently experiencing." Lets just say yes I am experiencing all 17 and now I'm going to tell you all about how exciting growing up really is. 17 is a lot so I'm going to pick and choose the good ones. ..

Since I was born in the late 80s here are a few things I am currently experiencing.


  • I Can Accomplish Anything In Life
    • This came to me last week when I bought my first car. A few things fell into place and I was able to buy a car, something that I didn't think would be doable. But let me just say, I didn't buy just a piece of junk car to get me to and from my office. I bought an actual nice midsize SUV that I can actually drive in the snow and that can last me a few years. As I was sitting there shaking the hand of the car salesman I realized that I really am capable of anything. I thought about a few of the things I've accomplished over the years and I didn't really realize the magnitude of it all until well, last week. In the last few years I have graduated college, beat cancer, traveled the world, bought a dog, grew a full head of hair, just bought a big kid car, and a few other things. But I now realize I can accomplish anything I really want to. If I want to do something I just need to put my mind to it and work hard to make it happen. Yes I knew this before, but now I really know I am capable of really anything.
  • You can't use the excuse of youth for your screw ups, yet you don't feel like a full on adult yet
    • Lets be honest, every day I change my mind about the age I want to be. One day I want to be 18 and one day I want to be 21 and the next I'm happy I'm 25. I won't lie I made a lot of life decisions around the motto "its better to ask for forgiveness than permission" and "you can make up a test but you can't make up a good party." Not the brightest mottos but they sure made for some good stories. I used to not think of consequences and just did what I wanted because I could. For the first time in my life I actually think about how my choices and decisions will impact myself, my future, my family, and those around me. I don't feel like a full on adult yet by any means. I'm like, a baby adult. But I now know the difference between a good idea and something completely stupid. I have also realized I need to have less screw ups in life because they were never a good time to start out with
  • You're losing friends because everyone else is moving on with life
    • Friends... I won't lie I have a pretty solid base group of friends. We used to hang out all the time and what not but you know, life happens. People get married, move away, pop kids out, and well everything changes. I look at all my closest friends and they are all majority married, pregnant if they don't already have a kid or two, and half of them have moved away. Or they got married had a kid and are getting divorced. It sucks yes but this is called life and life happens. Now I wouldn't like to say I'm losing friends. I still talk to them all the time! I talk to Steph on almost a daily basis and shes married in the Motherland of Canada with Travis and Scout. So you see it isn't that you're losing friends. Its that rather than going to dance parties and watching movies every weekend your "hanging out" becomes phone calls, text message conversations, and occasional lunches. It is what it is, life happens.
  • Sometimes you're just faking it and casually mimicking others to blend in while you're figuring yourself out.

    • So this was me for majority of 23 and midway through being 24. I found myself not really knowing who I was. I was doing what everyone around me was doing because well, everyone was doing it. I just floated. Didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, didn't take life really serious, and just did what I had to so I could pay the necessary bills and get by. Well as of late I have realized who I really am and what I need to do and who I need to be. I am still figuring out the details of what I want for my future but I have the foundation down of what I need to be doing. No more blending in with the crowd for me. I've noticed since I've established that I spend a lot of weekend nights either at the gym or hanging with my family but I now know what I want to be doing. 
  • Birthdays are no longer enjoyable. They're just a reminder you're another year past 21.
    • This year when I turned 25 I had no desire to do anything. Yes 25 isn't old by any means, but its 25. Its a quarter of a century and I'm still not back to being 18. I can feel the aches and pains in my body a little bit more each year. And it sucks. I remember when I used to throw big parties and go out to dinner and do all this fun stuff for my birthday. This year I hung out at my moms, played some basketball, then had a family party with all my cousins and their kids and watched Frozen. Yes majority of my party guests were under the age of 10 and half of them can barley walk. But let me just say I couldn't think of a better way to spend my 25th birthday.
  • Your body is becoming need and high maintenance to maintain.
    • I wish bodies worked like cell phones. Every two years you get a new upgrade to something newer, faster, and prettier. Either that or vampires were real. My body is old, beat up, filled with cancer and titanium screws, and to be honest I need an upgrade or a vampire to turn me into an immortal stuck at 25. Either or are great options. If only life was that simple. For the first time I have had to take working out seriously, eating right seriously, and making sure I'm taking care of my body. This summer I played down at the Utah summer games  and played roughly 6 basketball games in 3 days. I was icing and heating and stretching before and after every game and could still barley walk! I can't wear shorts and flip flops in the winter time and I can't stay up every night playing Xbox until the morning. I have to actually spend time warming up before I work out, icing after, and doing all the little things I never did before. Yay for getting old.
  • Learning lessons first hand because you remember when an adult told you told you in the past.
    • I find myself on almost a daily basis saying "Wow Michelle was right." or "I swear someone told me not to do this" You know stuff like that. Majority of the major mistakes I managed to make in my life I was warned about, specifically by Michelle. I look back and I honestly wonder how easier my life would have been if I had actually just taken allt he advice given to me along the way rather than learning things the hard way and for myself. Then again I'm grateful I did things the way I did because if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have as many funny stories, as many cool scars, and I would have never really learned anything growing up.
  • You're no longer developing into someone, you're identifying who you've developed into.
    • The last 6 months this has been me. I really have realized the person I've developed into and how I need to live and what I need to do. My whole life I thought I was just like my Dad. More laid back go with the flow kind of person. The last 6 months I realized I have been lying to myself all this time! I have moments of being laid back, but I also love to be in control, I love and need a clean house, I like to have a million things to do, and I have a hard time saying no. Basically what I really discovered is I'm just like Michelle. Lets be honest now, I couldn't be any happier knowing I'm just like my Gypsy. If I had to pick someone to take after it would be her. So now that I am all grown up and I now know who I really am its made life a lot easier lately. 


Growing up is never easy. I wont even lie. I know I'm not even old but to think that 10 years ago I was 15 years old just seems like such a long time! I get asked a lot of times if I dread getting older because I have a terminal illness that usually kills people sooner than later. The thing is, I've loved getting older. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I have it together and I know where I'm going and what I'm going to be doing with my life. Its more of a sense of relief and even with the cancer stuff, it doesn't really impact anything besides where I live. My whole life I wanted to get out of Utah. I wanted to move back East and experience that life. I wanted to end up in Virginia in a cute little cottage and have some amazing romantical love story that you only would read in a Nicholas Sparks book. But I now realize 1. Utah is my home 2. I don't want to be any further away from my family than I need to be and 3. There's a reason love stories like that are only in books in movies.  Clearly I've been watching the Notebook and Safe Haven too lately. I actually feel good about my life and growing up and I know where I'm going. Being the Virgo I am I don't like change or uncertainty, and now having that comfort and peace of mind with my life I can actually get some sleep.

Lets just take a minute to be so thankful my writers block is gone though... I've missed blogging and its nice to get some thoughts down. Hope everyone's enjoying these last few days of no snow (if you're in Utah), and if you don't live in Utah and live where it doesn't know well be thankful you don't have to drive in the snow!

PS... many blogs to come this week!!!

Alexis