How To Be Happy 101

Happiness... Lets be honest. We are born. We grow up. We get old. We Die. Its the natural pattern of life. But in between the part where we are born and we die we spend those years living life and striving for happiness right? I mean, I don't know anyone who purposely strives for misery and if they are then they probably need professional help. But during those years between life and death we do what we need to do to be happy. Sounds easy right? Live life and be happy, but its not easy as we all know. Life has ups and downs, twists and turns, dead ends and U turns, and every other kind of wrinkle that could possibly take place. These can also be known as trials. Life is this great thing, but you know you get trials along with it and the crazy thing is everyone's trials are different. Everyone's situation, upbringing, and lifestyle is different from one another. So with all these people striving for happiness in their own special way can ultimately complicate finding happiness. I had a basketball coach who would always say if we put all our problems out on the table and got to pick which ones we wanted we would still pick our own. Problems, trials, potholes in the road, call it you what you will but life happens. In my last post I talked about how life happens and well it does. If life was easy then it would be boring and no one would have any cool stories or scars or anything to really talk besides the weather. Sometimes our trials add in the adrenaline and excitement that you need. Sometimes trials can also add in the set back and the struggle that we really don't need, but every trial happens for a reason. Lately I found a quote that I love. I've done a lot of reflecting on my life lately and the twists and turns its had and when I read this quote it just really made everything come full circle. 

"There's no such thing as regrets, just lessons learned"

Can I just say that I love this?? I won't lie I've done a fair share of stupid things in my life. I've disappointment my parents a countless amount of times, I've made myself look like a real idiot, and I have made my own life as difficult as I could without having those intentions. But life happens and my choices are my choices to live with. But if life has all these trials then what do we do to find happiness? How do we become happy with all the crap going on? Now I'm not trying to brag about myself or say how awesome I am because I know for a fact I'm not. Like I said everyone's trials are different but with mine I've found optimism and happiness is really the only way to get through them and to see them as blessings rather than trials. But like I said, happiness is a choice so how do you just choose to be happy? Its not as easy as we all think it is but here are some of my own secrets on how to choose happiness and to really just be happy.

1. CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLES

One of my high school basketball coaches once told me this. I had just torn ligaments and shattered my ankle in practice  and I was absolutely devastated. This was my first real injury ever and the thought of missing all of preseason basketball as a sophomore was the end of the world for your typical 16 year old. Because of the severity of the injury I was my coach's TA for a class period and one day she told me I needed to control the controllables. She told me I couldn't control what happened but that I could control my attitude, my interactions with my teammates, and I could control my time in the weight room and doing rehab. Now this was only the first injury of many more to come and throughout every physical set back I've had I always think about controlling the controllables. Now this concept can carry over to every aspect of life. In life you can't always control everything that happens but you can always control how you react, and how you treat those around you. At the end of the day I think what matters most how we treat those we interact with. Some people get so caught up in how others are living and if its in accordance with what they believe when in reality we should be worrying about how we treat those around us and how we react to the adversity that's thrown at us. Do we shut down and hate the world or do we rise above it? Control what you can and good things will follow. 

2. LAUGH OFTEN
I honestly think people underestimate what a good laugh can really do for you. Sometimes when we are down all we really need is someone to make us laugh and all the sudden everything is okay. Humor can be a great tool for relief from physical or emotional pain and even stress. Now when I had cancer back in the day my doctors told me it would be good for me to find the good and stay positive for obvious reasons. At the time I didn't think or realize how big of a role humor would play in my healing process. Between Corbin and Steph I was constantly finding things to laugh at. If you know my brother Corbin or my bestest Steph then you know how funny these two are. They can do really any accent and perfect impersonations of anyone so you're guaranteed a good laugh. Sometimes you need to laugh about whats going on and keep in mind it could always be worse. I remember in the middle of my chemo months I found myself at the church playing basketball. I was completely bald, my skin had a yellow tint to it, and I could barley take 3 shots without the exhaustion settling in but I couldn't help but laugh. Yes I was laughing at my pathetic efforts compared to what I could do just 3 months prior but I was also laughing and smiling because I realized how blessed I was despite of what everyone thought. Yes I had cancer, but I still had all my limbs, I could still see and hear and taste and smell, and I could still shoot a basketball even if it was only 3 times before I needed a water break. If you can find the humor in everything and use humor to help you through the hard times it makes those hard times seem less hard and more like a bend in the road rather than a pothole. 


3. LOVE YOURSELF
Does anyone remember when they were a kid and you didn't notice the fact that you didn't have a flat muffin-top-less stomach? Or you didn't notice that you were the shortest one or the tallest of your whole class? Or that your ears poked out more than everyone else? I remember those days. I didn't even become self conscious of myself until well, 6th grade? When I realized wow I am the tallest kid in the whole school including boys and girls. Lets be honest everyone is different and everyone has a different genetic make up that makes them predisposed to be a certain way. Because Steve is brown I can't help it that my skin is naturally darker than majority of my friends. Thats just the way it is. Not all of us can have perfect bodies like Angelina Jolie and Channing Tatum. Some of us have to work harder but no matter what, we need to learn to love ourselves. So many times I hear people talk about how they wish their nose was different, they had different color of eyes, they want to be taller or shorter, or have more muscle. I won't lie I find myself guilty of doing this a lot. I would love to have a flat stomach and green eyes and thicker hair. But its important not to forget that we are all originals and we should love ourselves rather than trying to change everything that's makes you, you. I should love that I'm a little thicker in the mid section and that my eyes are brown like dog poop and that my hair is thin and stringy right? Ok maybe those were extreme examples but we should learn to love how we are rather than find everything wrong and try to change it. There was a time I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't like the person I was and I had gained a lot of weight, and I found myself being very negative about who I was and the person I was becoming. It took a lot of time and dedication and some real changes to how I lived but I can honestly say I am happy with myself again. When you're happy with yourself you have confidence. And someone with confidence can accomplish anything because belief in yourself is more than half the battle. 


4. HELP PEOPLE OUT AROUND YOU
The Gypsy always told us to make sure we do nice things for people because when you're serving others you forget about your own problems. Lets be honest we all know this is true. Growing up I found myself guilty sometimes when I would have to go to church service projects. I would drag my feet and have a bad attitude. But by the time we were done, I would forget all about how much I was dreading the service project and wanting to do more for those around me. Now by helping others out doesn't mean you need to organize a huge clothing drive to send large amounts of clothes to a 3rd world country on the other side of the planet. There's so many little things that you can do just around your own neighborhood or even your own family. A smile or a hello can go a long way. You never know how people's day are going so always smile at people and always say hi. When you're at home and see the garbage is full or the dishwasher needs to be loaded do it. Your mother will love you and you get brownie points with her. Open the door for the moms trying to shop with their 5 kids running around and help the old lady at the grocery store get something off the top shelf. Helping those around you doesn't need to be something huge, just do little things. If the opportunity presents itself where you can do something huge then do it. But there's a lot of people who could use a helping hand just in your backyard.


5. FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND DO IT
Every one has a passion for one thing or another. Some people love to cook, some people love to count numbers, and some people love to be around kids. Whatever it is, find your passion and find a way to incorporate it into your every day schedule. Now my passion in life is basketball so everyday I find ways to work basketball into my day. Every day I make sure I either watch, coach, or play basketball. Sometimes when I'm lucky I get to do all 3. Whether its pick up or late night shooting sessions at the gym I make sure I try to get some form of basketball in. I coach during the summer and when season starts I'm lucky enough to coach everyday from October to February. And when I come home I watch whatever college or NBA games that are on TV, especially my Lakers. No matter how my day is going I always find time for basketball. There's times I find myself at work watching basketball YouTubes just because I need that little pick me up. Whatever your passion is find time for it. I won't lie I have moments where I look at the clock its 1 am and I want to go play so I get up, drive to 24 hour, and shoot for an hour with myself. Whatever you love find ways to make it a part of your daily routine and make it a priority. 

6. GRATITUDE
The definition of gratitude is the quality of being thankful and the readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Every one shows gratitude in different ways. Some people are verbal and like to tell you, some people are physical and like to hug it out, and some people are like me and will send you a thank you card. No matter what you do, show gratitude. With it being the month of November aka month of giving thanks and with Thanksgiving in a week I think it would be a great time to start a gratitude journal. I've been doing one for about 2 weeks and to be honest, I feel I need to publicize some of the things I write because they're kind of funny. But when you are searching to show thanks you really notice things you didn't notice before... example here is last nights...

"tonight I am thankful for the Romans for being the first known to make scrambled eggs. I only like scrambled eggs so if they hadn't done it, then I wouldn't eat eggs which would be detrimental to my bod."

Now I know that was kind of a joke but I'm serious! Last night I was cooking myself my scrambled egg whites and I realized I had my eggs over easy and sunny side up so I would never eat eggs if they weren't scrambled. Since I've been doing my gratitude journal its not like I've had this life huge altering experience and the clouds opened up and I heard trumpets playing. Its made me aware of the little things in life that actually matter and that we take so much for granted. I won't life everyday I am so thankful for my cancer and for all my health problems because they wouldn't have made me who I am and its helped me appreciate basketball and those healthy days so much more. So 3 times I a day I write down what I'm thankful for. One in the morning, afternoon, and before I go to bed. Do it and you'll find yourself noticing the little things and being more willing to show gratitude in all aspects of life, even the bad things. 

7. FIND YOUR PEOPLE
If you've ever seen Grey's Anatomy you know the notorious line by Christina Yang says,

"If I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person."

Now we aren't supposed to take this literally. Don't go out and kill someone and see who the first person who comes to mind. That's not the way to find your person. What I am saying is find your person. Find your people. Surround yourself by people who you know would do anything for you. People who aren't afraid to challenge you because they love you and care about you that much. People who regardless of how you treat them and what you do will stand by your side when you need. Those are the people you need to surround yourself with. So many times in my life I found myself with people who didn't care who I thought cared. People who I thought were my friend and who I could trust but in those moments when I needed someone they weren't there. As human beings we can't help but want to be around other people whether they're friends or family. We all need someone. The hard part is finding someone who's going to be loyal and stick with you through life when life decides to shake things up a bit. If you want to be happy find your people or your person and never let them go. Rather realize how lucky you are to have found them and experience life with them surrounding you. 

Happiness really is a choice at the end of the day. Choosing happiness isn't always easy especially with all the crap that goes on in the world. I'm not saying if you do all these things you're going to happiest most optimistic person in the world. Life sucks sometimes and its good to realize that and take it in and cope the way you need to. But happiness is attainable if you want it to be. If you surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, change your attitude and mind set, laugh a little but preferably laugh a lot, find your passion and do it, show gratitude in every aspect of life small or large, and love yourself I honestly can say you'll be happier.  And there might come a time in your life where you need to stop pleasing everyone around you and do what you want. No one finds true happiness by pleasing everyone else and be selfish for your own happiness' sake. These aren't things you can just do for a week and expect a change. These things take time.. But you know what, after time passes you'll find yourself happy and realizing just how blessed you really are.