I have the greatest news... my writers block has left me! The last few months I have easily written over 17 different blogs and have deleted all 17 of them. It didn't feel right. I'm the kind of person when I write I can't share it until I feel its perfect. Until I feel that peace of mind that I've written something worthy of someone's time. Life has been busy trying to balance work, coaching, working out, an attempted social life, family, friends and in the midst of all this I've really found myself. I've realized that at 25 I am officially growing up. I saw something on Facebook that basically described what I was feeling. It was one of those list pages and it was entitled "17 things people born in the late 80s are currently experiencing." Lets just say yes I am experiencing all 17 and now I'm going to tell you all about how exciting growing up really is. 17 is a lot so I'm going to pick and choose the good ones. ..
Since I was born in the late 80s here are a few things I am currently experiencing.
- I Can Accomplish Anything In Life
- This came to me last week when I bought my first car. A few things fell into place and I was able to buy a car, something that I didn't think would be doable. But let me just say, I didn't buy just a piece of junk car to get me to and from my office. I bought an actual nice midsize SUV that I can actually drive in the snow and that can last me a few years. As I was sitting there shaking the hand of the car salesman I realized that I really am capable of anything. I thought about a few of the things I've accomplished over the years and I didn't really realize the magnitude of it all until well, last week. In the last few years I have graduated college, beat cancer, traveled the world, bought a dog, grew a full head of hair, just bought a big kid car, and a few other things. But I now realize I can accomplish anything I really want to. If I want to do something I just need to put my mind to it and work hard to make it happen. Yes I knew this before, but now I really know I am capable of really anything.
- You can't use the excuse of youth for your screw ups, yet you don't feel like a full on adult yet
- Lets be honest, every day I change my mind about the age I want to be. One day I want to be 18 and one day I want to be 21 and the next I'm happy I'm 25. I won't lie I made a lot of life decisions around the motto "its better to ask for forgiveness than permission" and "you can make up a test but you can't make up a good party." Not the brightest mottos but they sure made for some good stories. I used to not think of consequences and just did what I wanted because I could. For the first time in my life I actually think about how my choices and decisions will impact myself, my future, my family, and those around me. I don't feel like a full on adult yet by any means. I'm like, a baby adult. But I now know the difference between a good idea and something completely stupid. I have also realized I need to have less screw ups in life because they were never a good time to start out with
- You're losing friends because everyone else is moving on with life
- Friends... I won't lie I have a pretty solid base group of friends. We used to hang out all the time and what not but you know, life happens. People get married, move away, pop kids out, and well everything changes. I look at all my closest friends and they are all majority married, pregnant if they don't already have a kid or two, and half of them have moved away. Or they got married had a kid and are getting divorced. It sucks yes but this is called life and life happens. Now I wouldn't like to say I'm losing friends. I still talk to them all the time! I talk to Steph on almost a daily basis and shes married in the Motherland of Canada with Travis and Scout. So you see it isn't that you're losing friends. Its that rather than going to dance parties and watching movies every weekend your "hanging out" becomes phone calls, text message conversations, and occasional lunches. It is what it is, life happens.
- Sometimes you're just faking it and casually mimicking others to blend in while you're figuring yourself out.
- So this was me for majority of 23 and midway through being 24. I found myself not really knowing who I was. I was doing what everyone around me was doing because well, everyone was doing it. I just floated. Didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, didn't take life really serious, and just did what I had to so I could pay the necessary bills and get by. Well as of late I have realized who I really am and what I need to do and who I need to be. I am still figuring out the details of what I want for my future but I have the foundation down of what I need to be doing. No more blending in with the crowd for me. I've noticed since I've established that I spend a lot of weekend nights either at the gym or hanging with my family but I now know what I want to be doing.
- Birthdays are no longer enjoyable. They're just a reminder you're another year past 21.
- This year when I turned 25 I had no desire to do anything. Yes 25 isn't old by any means, but its 25. Its a quarter of a century and I'm still not back to being 18. I can feel the aches and pains in my body a little bit more each year. And it sucks. I remember when I used to throw big parties and go out to dinner and do all this fun stuff for my birthday. This year I hung out at my moms, played some basketball, then had a family party with all my cousins and their kids and watched Frozen. Yes majority of my party guests were under the age of 10 and half of them can barley walk. But let me just say I couldn't think of a better way to spend my 25th birthday.
- Your body is becoming need and high maintenance to maintain.
- I wish bodies worked like cell phones. Every two years you get a new upgrade to something newer, faster, and prettier. Either that or vampires were real. My body is old, beat up, filled with cancer and titanium screws, and to be honest I need an upgrade or a vampire to turn me into an immortal stuck at 25. Either or are great options. If only life was that simple. For the first time I have had to take working out seriously, eating right seriously, and making sure I'm taking care of my body. This summer I played down at the Utah summer games and played roughly 6 basketball games in 3 days. I was icing and heating and stretching before and after every game and could still barley walk! I can't wear shorts and flip flops in the winter time and I can't stay up every night playing Xbox until the morning. I have to actually spend time warming up before I work out, icing after, and doing all the little things I never did before. Yay for getting old.
- Learning lessons first hand because you remember when an adult told you told you in the past.
- I find myself on almost a daily basis saying "Wow Michelle was right." or "I swear someone told me not to do this" You know stuff like that. Majority of the major mistakes I managed to make in my life I was warned about, specifically by Michelle. I look back and I honestly wonder how easier my life would have been if I had actually just taken allt he advice given to me along the way rather than learning things the hard way and for myself. Then again I'm grateful I did things the way I did because if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have as many funny stories, as many cool scars, and I would have never really learned anything growing up.
- You're no longer developing into someone, you're identifying who you've developed into.
- The last 6 months this has been me. I really have realized the person I've developed into and how I need to live and what I need to do. My whole life I thought I was just like my Dad. More laid back go with the flow kind of person. The last 6 months I realized I have been lying to myself all this time! I have moments of being laid back, but I also love to be in control, I love and need a clean house, I like to have a million things to do, and I have a hard time saying no. Basically what I really discovered is I'm just like Michelle. Lets be honest now, I couldn't be any happier knowing I'm just like my Gypsy. If I had to pick someone to take after it would be her. So now that I am all grown up and I now know who I really am its made life a lot easier lately.
Growing up is never easy. I wont even lie. I know I'm not even old but to think that 10 years ago I was 15 years old just seems like such a long time! I get asked a lot of times if I dread getting older because I have a terminal illness that usually kills people sooner than later. The thing is, I've loved getting older. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I have it together and I know where I'm going and what I'm going to be doing with my life. Its more of a sense of relief and even with the cancer stuff, it doesn't really impact anything besides where I live. My whole life I wanted to get out of Utah. I wanted to move back East and experience that life. I wanted to end up in Virginia in a cute little cottage and have some amazing romantical love story that you only would read in a Nicholas Sparks book. But I now realize 1. Utah is my home 2. I don't want to be any further away from my family than I need to be and 3. There's a reason love stories like that are only in books in movies. Clearly I've been watching the Notebook and Safe Haven too lately. I actually feel good about my life and growing up and I know where I'm going. Being the Virgo I am I don't like change or uncertainty, and now having that comfort and peace of mind with my life I can actually get some sleep.
PS... many blogs to come this week!!!
Alexis
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