I haven't blogged in a minute... and I can't even begin to say 1. How mad I am I haven't found the time and 2. How much I've missed it! I have been writing, just not for public eye. So FINALLY here's a blog that I had time to put together and that you all can enjoy. So this week I had my birthday... I turned 26. First of all, I don't like my birthday. The last few years it lost it's excitement. I was sitting in bed last night trying to keep Bella and her slobbery adorable face off the bed and I couldn't help but see the changes from 25 to 26, because trust me there were plenty of them. Change is something I have never been fond of. While reminiscing on my life at dinner Sunday my brothers brought up the day we moved to Provo how I cried and cried and cried. I think back and I was such a brat when we first moved to Provo. I didn't want to move to Provo. I had plans to finish Jr High at Olympus Jr and go play basketball at Olympus High School for Coach Ashton and hang out with Diane Tempest everyday. I had plans and this whole "lets move to Provo" thing wasn't a part of my plans and just really screwed it all up. But, being a child I didn't have a choice so we moved to Provo. Change down to the simplest of things, like when Costco started carrying a different brand of plastic cups, or when Paradise Cafe changed their menu. I just don't like change; but something happened between 25 and 26. I changed. I didn't just make little changes, I made some major changes. I lost some friends along the way, good Lord lets be honest I lost myself along the way. But during that time I made new friends, I found myself, and I found out what was really important to me and who.
Now I always thought I had my priorities together my whole life. I always put my family first. My stomach second, basketball third (because ball is life), and somewhere is a 3-way tie for fourth between work, the gym, and my friends. In reality though my priorities were 1. have a good time, almost too good of a time usually 2. my friends 3. my family 4. work and 5. basketball. I didn't realize how skewed my priorities were until about 9 months ago. In the battle to figure out what really is important and who really is important I lost some people and gained some. I realized just how important a select few were, and how two faced others were. I realized my relationships with people are important and I needed to not be so selfish in them. I needed to prioritize the people in my life who were loyal and stayed by my side through my OCD fits and my sometimes rude mannerisms. I also realized I needed to get ride of some of my rude mannerisms. But I have as of late prioritized the people who matter. The list is short and sweet, but its a lot better than having a huge list with semi-loyal friends. Between weeding out the good and the bad people, realizing there's more to life than basketball, and trying to show with actions instead of words my priorities are finally in order. I wont like lie, is much easier when you know what and who comes first.
Change 2: Actions, not Words.
I feel like for a long time I was the queen of talk. I always would make commitments I couldn't keep, just because I don't know how to say No. I got that from my mother. But I would spread myself so thin then have to pick and choose which events or plans to go to or that I needed to miss. I always would feel bad. Not just because I wasn't missing things or canceling plans to be a jerk, but because I didn't know how to make time for them all. I was running myself ragged for a second there and soon just stopped trying all together. I found myself saying things but not following through. Saying I felt one way but acted another. I just was a lot of talk, and while what I was saying was all true how I was acting was the opposite. I mislead people and got a reputation for being flaky and just overall a bad friend. At the end of the day I realized that I needed to be better at showing actions. Yes that means not as many activities, but quality is better than quantity and actions will always mean more than words. I also realized I was scared to show actions. I've always been more of an introvert. Not really one to open up or show a lot of emotion. But because of this I saw people not believing me and questioning me. I knew there was only one thing to do: suck it up and let my emotions and feelings show through my actions.
Change 3: Humility and Acceptance
For the first time in my life I felt humbled. I have had some truly humbling experiences, but having conquered them with just a few scratches I felt indestructible. I've accepted, and if you know me you know how hard it was for me to say this, that for once in my life I wasn't always right. I wasn't always right about everything. I had to accept that it's ok to be different. That just because someone doesn't think how I think or do things how I do them, doesn't make them less of a person. I learned the hard way that just because I'm a minor OCD germaphobe (ok maybe major) doesn't mean I can expect other people to be the same. The last year I have had to humble myself more than ever before. I had to accept that at the end of the day, regardless of my achievements and my beliefs, which I thought were superior to others, I was just human. I wasn't irreplaceable or indestructible. I was both. I stopped thinking to myself, "why do they do that they should do it my way" and changed my thought process to "ok I do that this way but why do they do it that way and is it better?" I realized I needed to give people, activities, and really everything in life a fair shot to prove my stubborn head wrong. I've tried to be more open minded and with that comes many humbling moments of me realizing I'm wrong. But its ok because everyone is wrong sometimes. Even me.
Change 4: Comfort Zones are Overrated
I'm the kind of person who likes structure and a routine. I literally do the same thing everyday down to what I eat (except taco tuesdays) to the time I read my book, write in my journal, leave work, and when I drink my water. I have my schedule down to a science where I do the same things everyday. I don't like to be in situations where I don't know the out come, or where there's a chance my true uncoordinated self might be revealed. I don't like to try new things, and I don't like when my schedule is disrupted. I now realize that I'm not a new born child with a schedule and that life is meant to be lived outside your comfort zone and not in it. Today I went on a nice long drive just to clear my head after an exhausting week and just drive and sing. I was talking to my friend Krystin and she was shocked that I wanted to go camping with my dog in the middle of nowhere, that I wanted to watch a baseball game and actually watch and cheer, that I wanted to leave my itty bitty comfort zone. In a way I was like Bilbo Baggins. Living my happy little life with nothing exciting with a routine and everything. But how boring of a book would the Hobbit and LOTR had been if Bilbo had never left the shire with Gandalf? Yes that was the ultimate Lord of the Rings reference, I'm a nerd what can I say. My comfort zone has been the size of a pea and I have stayed within its boundaries for farrrrrr too long. Its time to live a little and get a little dirty and have some fun.
This last year I have grown so much and learned so much about myself, about life, and about who I really am. It was a growing experience and at times I wasn't fond of it but I knew I had to so I could keep progressing. I realized so many small flaws and stupid things I let control my life and because of it I found myself missing a lot of what was going on around me. One of those things was my phone. For a while I was so obsessed with social media. How many followers I had who was following me blah blah blah. So high school of me I know I'm embarrassed for myself. Today I sat down and deleted probably half of the people on my social media just because I didn't know them, they had no purpose in my life, and then I gave myself restrictions. I can't believe at 25 I was letting my phone and social media consume me and I was missing out on so much going on right in front of my face.
Taking time to sit and write down small goals has been the best thing for me to get where I am today. Its nice to have changed so drastically in a year. Change is inevitable. Its all around us from the changing of the seasons to the changing of clothing styles, change is everywhere and its going to happen. I think the best part of change is when you change yourself for the better. When you change who you were to become someone better, thats the change thats good. Thats the change thats the hardest but its so worth it!! So here's to my start of a new year of life. I hope the next year I can keep changing and progressing all while living outside of my comfort zone, keeping my priorities straight, staying humble, and using my actions and not my words. At the end of the day I want to live a life full of love, adventure, and excitement and to do that changes needed to be made and they were. Won't lie, I'm terrified but I'm excited to finally be outside my comfort zone and living life the way it was meant to be lived.
Remember: If you want something you've never had, you've got to do things you've never done. Get comfortable with being outside your comfort zone, because its the only way to grow.
Now I always thought I had my priorities together my whole life. I always put my family first. My stomach second, basketball third (because ball is life), and somewhere is a 3-way tie for fourth between work, the gym, and my friends. In reality though my priorities were 1. have a good time, almost too good of a time usually 2. my friends 3. my family 4. work and 5. basketball. I didn't realize how skewed my priorities were until about 9 months ago. In the battle to figure out what really is important and who really is important I lost some people and gained some. I realized just how important a select few were, and how two faced others were. I realized my relationships with people are important and I needed to not be so selfish in them. I needed to prioritize the people in my life who were loyal and stayed by my side through my OCD fits and my sometimes rude mannerisms. I also realized I needed to get ride of some of my rude mannerisms. But I have as of late prioritized the people who matter. The list is short and sweet, but its a lot better than having a huge list with semi-loyal friends. Between weeding out the good and the bad people, realizing there's more to life than basketball, and trying to show with actions instead of words my priorities are finally in order. I wont like lie, is much easier when you know what and who comes first. 
