In The End, Only 3 Things Matter...

For those of you who don't know my father or who aren't Facebook friends with him, well you're missing out. I would say on a weekly basis I receive at least 6 Facebook messages from Steve about various things from inspirational quotes to funny animal YouTubes. Steve also shares all sorts of good lists and just good stuff in general on his Facebook wall. You know the feel good kind of stuff that you read and you all the sudden feel empowered and good like you can do anything and make a change in the world. Yes Steve is the king of finding such quotes and what not. So anyways a while ago he sent me this picture quote:

Okay so I won't lie... Steve sends me a lot of stuff and you know with the busy schedule I have I tend to skim or look quickly after the second or third message he sends me. This was one of those gems that I overlooked and saw today. Today is just one of those days when I needed a pick me up so I thought I would see what advice or what feel good YouTube I could find from good old Steve to help me out with my day. I came across this quote and it really just did the trick. In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. Buddha was clearly a wise man because this is what I think everyone needs to live by in this world of ridiculousness. 

Love Often

With so much hate in the world these days I feel like love is something that's hard to come by. People are so consumed with their jobs, their phones, and just their lives (I am soooo guilty of this) that I think we forget to love. We forget that other people are going through life just like we are with their own set of struggles and their own trials, and we forget to be aware of that. We forget to say thank you to the barista at Starbucks, or we don't hold the door open for the mother of 3 behind us because we are in such a rush, or we don't smile and say hi to a stranger you happen to make awkward eye contact with. Little things make such a huge difference. We judge those around us for their differences whether they're a BYU or Utah fan, Mormon, Catholic, white, black, brown, Asian, gay, straight, American, Candian, whatever it is. Everyone is so judgmental these days (especially in Utah).  Why does it matter what people look like or  how they choose to worship and spend their Sundays who someone chooses to love? Everyone is different so be respectful of others and love them rather for how they treat you. Love people regardless of your differences and don't judge them for not agreeing with you. I think sometimes we take people for granted. Whether its our family or friends we just expect certain people to always be there for us. Yet sometimes we forget friendship and love is a two way street. We have to put in what we expect to get out.   Where love is demanded love needs to be given. We need to love and learn to love deeply and passionately and unconditionally. Especially the people who have been there from the beginning. Now love is a big word I for one don't like to use it unless I truly mean it, but love isn't just a word. Its an verb that can be showed through every aspect of our day by the simplest of actions to those around us. Whether its your mom, your best friend, a complete stranger keep in mind that the smallest actions of love can have the biggest lasting impacts. Be there for those who are there for you. Be the shoulder to cry on, be the listening ear, be that person that can be trusted. Our happiness is found in the way we love and treat others, so choose to be happy and choose to love. 

Live Gently

So living gently... The first thing that comes to mind when I hear living gently is a monk. Monks take vows of silence for years, they live a simple life hanging out in robes, praying, lighting incense, but while it is simple it is also a meaningful and purposeful life devoting themselves to their religious beliefs. But lets be honest in reality I don't think this is what it means to live gently. I think living gently means to live a happy, purposeful, and peaceful life. I think it means to live within your means and to just really grab life by the horns and just rock it. Everyone is different with different religious backgrounds, racial backgrounds, financial situations, and different trials. But when we love ourselves and the hand we are dealt, all the sudden the trials seem to disappear. Everyone has different aspirations in life. Example, some of my friends their main goal in life was get married in the Mormon temple to a return missionary and start a family all by the time they're 20 years old. There's nothing wrong that. I thought they were crazy but you know, to each their own. Myself on the other hand wanted to graduate from school, get a job, and become financially stable and have my own life figured out before I brought someone else into it. We are all different with different preferences, opinions, and views. But I believe as long as we are truly happy, working towards our own end goal in life, and living at peace with ourselves and our choices then we are fulfilling the concept of living gently. I'm not saying you can't raise a little hell every now and then because we all know mistakes and stupid decisions result in 1. lessons learned 2. cool scars and 3. the best stories. These are all critical parts to life and finding our way. So don't just live a gentle quiet life. Live gently yet powerfully and at peace with yourself. 

Gracefully Let Go

Letting go is so hard lets be honest. For those who have had their hearts crushed, their dog ran away, or have lost a loved one its so hard to let go. Its so hard to let go of things that are not meant for you especially when you believed they were. But everything happens for a reason. People come and go out of our lives. I honestly do believe certain people come into our lives for a reason. I also believe certain people leave our lives for a reason. So what happens when you have your mind set on something and it doesn't work out? Whatever it might be, lets say love for example. Situation: you have found the one for you. This individual you love with all your heart and you see your future with them, but then something happens. It changes and they leave and you are left there all alone feeling defeated. How do let go of things that aren't meant for you? As cliche as this sounds, having a positive attitude is more than half the battle. Realizing that better things are yet to come and that it didn't work out it didn't for a reason that you just don't know yet. I love love love country music. I've noticed majority of country songs are 3 different things: 1. alcohol specifically beer and whiskey (rum if you're Kenny Chesney) 2. Break ups and Make ups and 3. Trucks. Sometimes you get a country song that has all three, I call that the country trifecta. Anyways I was listening to a song by Cole Sidwell called "Ain't worth the whiskey" and its a song about a break up (#2) and how the break up with this girl just aint worth the whiskey (#1). Clearly the break up was heart wrenching if he wrote a song about it, but either way it wasn't worth the whiskey. Now lets apply it to real life. Bad things happen. We can never have what we want or who we want, but what do we do about? When things don't work out your way you know what, its okay. Life goes on and it isn't worth the whiskey. So don't mope around and have a pity party. Do something about it. Find happiness because its a choice and we all deserve a happy ending. So when your heart is broken or you don't make the high school football team or you don't get that awesome intern in the New York just remember, it aint worth the whiskey and gracefully let go of the things that aren't meant for you. You obviously are meant for something greater you just don't know it yet. 

Only three things matter in our amazing lives... Could you imagine if we actually lived like this? If whether we went to heaven or hell was based off of how we loved those around us, how gently we lived, and how gracefully we let go of things that aren't meant for us? I think we would all live a much happier simpler life. I think people would see the value we each have and just in life in general. People wouldn't judge others for their differences and rather would accept them and love them for the intentions of their heart. Just because someone's on a different path than you doesn't mean its necessarily the wrong path. So love those around you on different paths because believe it or not your paths crossed for a reason. Don't take people for granted. Be there for your friends and family. Do nice things for people and love and accept others despite their differences. Live gently. Laugh every second you get. Choose to be happy. Live a life striving for peace, but make sure you raise a little hell along the way to keep things interesting. Lastly accept life as it comes. Whether good or bad whatever happens to you accept it with grace and move on. If its good, then be thankful. If its bad, know there's bigger things in store for you. Three simple ways to live and really, those three simple things are all that matters. Regardless of who we are, what we believe, and how we live these three things can apply to everyone and can honestly make us a better and happier people. So here's my take on all this...

In the end, Only 3 things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you... but in the end make sure you raise a little hell because everyone loves cool scars and good stories.

-Lex

How To Be Happy 101

Happiness... Lets be honest. We are born. We grow up. We get old. We Die. Its the natural pattern of life. But in between the part where we are born and we die we spend those years living life and striving for happiness right? I mean, I don't know anyone who purposely strives for misery and if they are then they probably need professional help. But during those years between life and death we do what we need to do to be happy. Sounds easy right? Live life and be happy, but its not easy as we all know. Life has ups and downs, twists and turns, dead ends and U turns, and every other kind of wrinkle that could possibly take place. These can also be known as trials. Life is this great thing, but you know you get trials along with it and the crazy thing is everyone's trials are different. Everyone's situation, upbringing, and lifestyle is different from one another. So with all these people striving for happiness in their own special way can ultimately complicate finding happiness. I had a basketball coach who would always say if we put all our problems out on the table and got to pick which ones we wanted we would still pick our own. Problems, trials, potholes in the road, call it you what you will but life happens. In my last post I talked about how life happens and well it does. If life was easy then it would be boring and no one would have any cool stories or scars or anything to really talk besides the weather. Sometimes our trials add in the adrenaline and excitement that you need. Sometimes trials can also add in the set back and the struggle that we really don't need, but every trial happens for a reason. Lately I found a quote that I love. I've done a lot of reflecting on my life lately and the twists and turns its had and when I read this quote it just really made everything come full circle. 

"There's no such thing as regrets, just lessons learned"

Can I just say that I love this?? I won't lie I've done a fair share of stupid things in my life. I've disappointment my parents a countless amount of times, I've made myself look like a real idiot, and I have made my own life as difficult as I could without having those intentions. But life happens and my choices are my choices to live with. But if life has all these trials then what do we do to find happiness? How do we become happy with all the crap going on? Now I'm not trying to brag about myself or say how awesome I am because I know for a fact I'm not. Like I said everyone's trials are different but with mine I've found optimism and happiness is really the only way to get through them and to see them as blessings rather than trials. But like I said, happiness is a choice so how do you just choose to be happy? Its not as easy as we all think it is but here are some of my own secrets on how to choose happiness and to really just be happy.

1. CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLES

One of my high school basketball coaches once told me this. I had just torn ligaments and shattered my ankle in practice  and I was absolutely devastated. This was my first real injury ever and the thought of missing all of preseason basketball as a sophomore was the end of the world for your typical 16 year old. Because of the severity of the injury I was my coach's TA for a class period and one day she told me I needed to control the controllables. She told me I couldn't control what happened but that I could control my attitude, my interactions with my teammates, and I could control my time in the weight room and doing rehab. Now this was only the first injury of many more to come and throughout every physical set back I've had I always think about controlling the controllables. Now this concept can carry over to every aspect of life. In life you can't always control everything that happens but you can always control how you react, and how you treat those around you. At the end of the day I think what matters most how we treat those we interact with. Some people get so caught up in how others are living and if its in accordance with what they believe when in reality we should be worrying about how we treat those around us and how we react to the adversity that's thrown at us. Do we shut down and hate the world or do we rise above it? Control what you can and good things will follow. 

2. LAUGH OFTEN
I honestly think people underestimate what a good laugh can really do for you. Sometimes when we are down all we really need is someone to make us laugh and all the sudden everything is okay. Humor can be a great tool for relief from physical or emotional pain and even stress. Now when I had cancer back in the day my doctors told me it would be good for me to find the good and stay positive for obvious reasons. At the time I didn't think or realize how big of a role humor would play in my healing process. Between Corbin and Steph I was constantly finding things to laugh at. If you know my brother Corbin or my bestest Steph then you know how funny these two are. They can do really any accent and perfect impersonations of anyone so you're guaranteed a good laugh. Sometimes you need to laugh about whats going on and keep in mind it could always be worse. I remember in the middle of my chemo months I found myself at the church playing basketball. I was completely bald, my skin had a yellow tint to it, and I could barley take 3 shots without the exhaustion settling in but I couldn't help but laugh. Yes I was laughing at my pathetic efforts compared to what I could do just 3 months prior but I was also laughing and smiling because I realized how blessed I was despite of what everyone thought. Yes I had cancer, but I still had all my limbs, I could still see and hear and taste and smell, and I could still shoot a basketball even if it was only 3 times before I needed a water break. If you can find the humor in everything and use humor to help you through the hard times it makes those hard times seem less hard and more like a bend in the road rather than a pothole. 


3. LOVE YOURSELF
Does anyone remember when they were a kid and you didn't notice the fact that you didn't have a flat muffin-top-less stomach? Or you didn't notice that you were the shortest one or the tallest of your whole class? Or that your ears poked out more than everyone else? I remember those days. I didn't even become self conscious of myself until well, 6th grade? When I realized wow I am the tallest kid in the whole school including boys and girls. Lets be honest everyone is different and everyone has a different genetic make up that makes them predisposed to be a certain way. Because Steve is brown I can't help it that my skin is naturally darker than majority of my friends. Thats just the way it is. Not all of us can have perfect bodies like Angelina Jolie and Channing Tatum. Some of us have to work harder but no matter what, we need to learn to love ourselves. So many times I hear people talk about how they wish their nose was different, they had different color of eyes, they want to be taller or shorter, or have more muscle. I won't lie I find myself guilty of doing this a lot. I would love to have a flat stomach and green eyes and thicker hair. But its important not to forget that we are all originals and we should love ourselves rather than trying to change everything that's makes you, you. I should love that I'm a little thicker in the mid section and that my eyes are brown like dog poop and that my hair is thin and stringy right? Ok maybe those were extreme examples but we should learn to love how we are rather than find everything wrong and try to change it. There was a time I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't like the person I was and I had gained a lot of weight, and I found myself being very negative about who I was and the person I was becoming. It took a lot of time and dedication and some real changes to how I lived but I can honestly say I am happy with myself again. When you're happy with yourself you have confidence. And someone with confidence can accomplish anything because belief in yourself is more than half the battle. 


4. HELP PEOPLE OUT AROUND YOU
The Gypsy always told us to make sure we do nice things for people because when you're serving others you forget about your own problems. Lets be honest we all know this is true. Growing up I found myself guilty sometimes when I would have to go to church service projects. I would drag my feet and have a bad attitude. But by the time we were done, I would forget all about how much I was dreading the service project and wanting to do more for those around me. Now by helping others out doesn't mean you need to organize a huge clothing drive to send large amounts of clothes to a 3rd world country on the other side of the planet. There's so many little things that you can do just around your own neighborhood or even your own family. A smile or a hello can go a long way. You never know how people's day are going so always smile at people and always say hi. When you're at home and see the garbage is full or the dishwasher needs to be loaded do it. Your mother will love you and you get brownie points with her. Open the door for the moms trying to shop with their 5 kids running around and help the old lady at the grocery store get something off the top shelf. Helping those around you doesn't need to be something huge, just do little things. If the opportunity presents itself where you can do something huge then do it. But there's a lot of people who could use a helping hand just in your backyard.


5. FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND DO IT
Every one has a passion for one thing or another. Some people love to cook, some people love to count numbers, and some people love to be around kids. Whatever it is, find your passion and find a way to incorporate it into your every day schedule. Now my passion in life is basketball so everyday I find ways to work basketball into my day. Every day I make sure I either watch, coach, or play basketball. Sometimes when I'm lucky I get to do all 3. Whether its pick up or late night shooting sessions at the gym I make sure I try to get some form of basketball in. I coach during the summer and when season starts I'm lucky enough to coach everyday from October to February. And when I come home I watch whatever college or NBA games that are on TV, especially my Lakers. No matter how my day is going I always find time for basketball. There's times I find myself at work watching basketball YouTubes just because I need that little pick me up. Whatever your passion is find time for it. I won't lie I have moments where I look at the clock its 1 am and I want to go play so I get up, drive to 24 hour, and shoot for an hour with myself. Whatever you love find ways to make it a part of your daily routine and make it a priority. 

6. GRATITUDE
The definition of gratitude is the quality of being thankful and the readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Every one shows gratitude in different ways. Some people are verbal and like to tell you, some people are physical and like to hug it out, and some people are like me and will send you a thank you card. No matter what you do, show gratitude. With it being the month of November aka month of giving thanks and with Thanksgiving in a week I think it would be a great time to start a gratitude journal. I've been doing one for about 2 weeks and to be honest, I feel I need to publicize some of the things I write because they're kind of funny. But when you are searching to show thanks you really notice things you didn't notice before... example here is last nights...

"tonight I am thankful for the Romans for being the first known to make scrambled eggs. I only like scrambled eggs so if they hadn't done it, then I wouldn't eat eggs which would be detrimental to my bod."

Now I know that was kind of a joke but I'm serious! Last night I was cooking myself my scrambled egg whites and I realized I had my eggs over easy and sunny side up so I would never eat eggs if they weren't scrambled. Since I've been doing my gratitude journal its not like I've had this life huge altering experience and the clouds opened up and I heard trumpets playing. Its made me aware of the little things in life that actually matter and that we take so much for granted. I won't life everyday I am so thankful for my cancer and for all my health problems because they wouldn't have made me who I am and its helped me appreciate basketball and those healthy days so much more. So 3 times I a day I write down what I'm thankful for. One in the morning, afternoon, and before I go to bed. Do it and you'll find yourself noticing the little things and being more willing to show gratitude in all aspects of life, even the bad things. 

7. FIND YOUR PEOPLE
If you've ever seen Grey's Anatomy you know the notorious line by Christina Yang says,

"If I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person."

Now we aren't supposed to take this literally. Don't go out and kill someone and see who the first person who comes to mind. That's not the way to find your person. What I am saying is find your person. Find your people. Surround yourself by people who you know would do anything for you. People who aren't afraid to challenge you because they love you and care about you that much. People who regardless of how you treat them and what you do will stand by your side when you need. Those are the people you need to surround yourself with. So many times in my life I found myself with people who didn't care who I thought cared. People who I thought were my friend and who I could trust but in those moments when I needed someone they weren't there. As human beings we can't help but want to be around other people whether they're friends or family. We all need someone. The hard part is finding someone who's going to be loyal and stick with you through life when life decides to shake things up a bit. If you want to be happy find your people or your person and never let them go. Rather realize how lucky you are to have found them and experience life with them surrounding you. 

Happiness really is a choice at the end of the day. Choosing happiness isn't always easy especially with all the crap that goes on in the world. I'm not saying if you do all these things you're going to happiest most optimistic person in the world. Life sucks sometimes and its good to realize that and take it in and cope the way you need to. But happiness is attainable if you want it to be. If you surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, change your attitude and mind set, laugh a little but preferably laugh a lot, find your passion and do it, show gratitude in every aspect of life small or large, and love yourself I honestly can say you'll be happier.  And there might come a time in your life where you need to stop pleasing everyone around you and do what you want. No one finds true happiness by pleasing everyone else and be selfish for your own happiness' sake. These aren't things you can just do for a week and expect a change. These things take time.. But you know what, after time passes you'll find yourself happy and realizing just how blessed you really are. 

I Guess This Is Growing Up

I have the greatest news... my writers block has left me! The last few months I have easily written over 17 different blogs and have deleted all 17 of them. It didn't feel right. I'm the kind of person when I write I can't share it until I feel its perfect. Until I feel that peace of mind that I've written something worthy of someone's time. Life has been busy trying to balance work, coaching, working out, an attempted social life, family, friends and in the midst of all this I've really found myself. I've realized that at 25  I am officially growing up. I saw something on Facebook that basically described what I was feeling. It was one of those list pages and it was entitled "17 things people born in the late 80s are currently experiencing." Lets just say yes I am experiencing all 17 and now I'm going to tell you all about how exciting growing up really is. 17 is a lot so I'm going to pick and choose the good ones. ..

Since I was born in the late 80s here are a few things I am currently experiencing.

• I Can Accomplish Anything In Life

• This came to me last week when I bought my first car. A few things fell into place and I was able to buy a car, something that I didn't think would be doable. But let me just say, I didn't buy just a piece of junk car to get me to and from my office. I bought an actual nice midsize SUV that I can actually drive in the snow and that can last me a few years. As I was sitting there shaking the hand of the car salesman I realized that I really am capable of anything. I thought about a few of the things I've accomplished over the years and I didn't really realize the magnitude of it all until well, last week. In the last few years I have graduated college, beat cancer, traveled the world, bought a dog, grew a full head of hair, just bought a big kid car, and a few other things. But I now realize I can accomplish anything I really want to. If I want to do something I just need to put my mind to it and work hard to make it happen. Yes I knew this before, but now I really know I am capable of really anything.

• You can't use the excuse of youth for your screw ups, yet you don't feel like a full on adult yet
• Lets be honest, every day I change my mind about the age I want to be. One day I want to be 18 and one day I want to be 21 and the next I'm happy I'm 25. I won't lie I made a lot of life decisions around the motto "its better to ask for forgiveness than permission" and "you can make up a test but you can't make up a good party." Not the brightest mottos but they sure made for some good stories. I used to not think of consequences and just did what I wanted because I could. For the first time in my life I actually think about how my choices and decisions will impact myself, my future, my family, and those around me. I don't feel like a full on adult yet by any means. I'm like, a baby adult. But I now know the difference between a good idea and something completely stupid. I have also realized I need to have less screw ups in life because they were never a good time to start out with

• You're losing friends because everyone else is moving on with life

• Friends... I won't lie I have a pretty solid base group of friends. We used to hang out all the time and what not but you know, life happens. People get married, move away, pop kids out, and well everything changes. I look at all my closest friends and they are all majority married, pregnant if they don't already have a kid or two, and half of them have moved away. Or they got married had a kid and are getting divorced. It sucks yes but this is called life and life happens. Now I wouldn't like to say I'm losing friends. I still talk to them all the time! I talk to Steph on almost a daily basis and shes married in the Motherland of Canada with Travis and Scout. So you see it isn't that you're losing friends. Its that rather than going to dance parties and watching movies every weekend your "hanging out" becomes phone calls, text message conversations, and occasional lunches. It is what it is, life happens.

• Sometimes you're just faking it and casually mimicking others to blend in while you're figuring yourself out.


• So this was me for majority of 23 and midway through being 24. I found myself not really knowing who I was. I was doing what everyone around me was doing because well, everyone was doing it. I just floated. Didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, didn't take life really serious, and just did what I had to so I could pay the necessary bills and get by. Well as of late I have realized who I really am and what I need to do and who I need to be. I am still figuring out the details of what I want for my future but I have the foundation down of what I need to be doing. No more blending in with the crowd for me. I've noticed since I've established that I spend a lot of weekend nights either at the gym or hanging with my family but I now know what I want to be doing. 

• Birthdays are no longer enjoyable. They're just a reminder you're another year past 21.
• This year when I turned 25 I had no desire to do anything. Yes 25 isn't old by any means, but its 25. Its a quarter of a century and I'm still not back to being 18. I can feel the aches and pains in my body a little bit more each year. And it sucks. I remember when I used to throw big parties and go out to dinner and do all this fun stuff for my birthday. This year I hung out at my moms, played some basketball, then had a family party with all my cousins and their kids and watched Frozen. Yes majority of my party guests were under the age of 10 and half of them can barley walk. But let me just say I couldn't think of a better way to spend my 25th birthday.

• Your body is becoming need and high maintenance to maintain.

• I wish bodies worked like cell phones. Every two years you get a new upgrade to something newer, faster, and prettier. Either that or vampires were real. My body is old, beat up, filled with cancer and titanium screws, and to be honest I need an upgrade or a vampire to turn me into an immortal stuck at 25. Either or are great options. If only life was that simple. For the first time I have had to take working out seriously, eating right seriously, and making sure I'm taking care of my body. This summer I played down at the Utah summer games  and played roughly 6 basketball games in 3 days. I was icing and heating and stretching before and after every game and could still barley walk! I can't wear shorts and flip flops in the winter time and I can't stay up every night playing Xbox until the morning. I have to actually spend time warming up before I work out, icing after, and doing all the little things I never did before. Yay for getting old.

• Learning lessons first hand because you remember when an adult told you told you in the past.
• I find myself on almost a daily basis saying "Wow Michelle was right." or "I swear someone told me not to do this" You know stuff like that. Majority of the major mistakes I managed to make in my life I was warned about, specifically by Michelle. I look back and I honestly wonder how easier my life would have been if I had actually just taken allt he advice given to me along the way rather than learning things the hard way and for myself. Then again I'm grateful I did things the way I did because if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have as many funny stories, as many cool scars, and I would have never really learned anything growing up.

• You're no longer developing into someone, you're identifying who you've developed into.

• The last 6 months this has been me. I really have realized the person I've developed into and how I need to live and what I need to do. My whole life I thought I was just like my Dad. More laid back go with the flow kind of person. The last 6 months I realized I have been lying to myself all this time! I have moments of being laid back, but I also love to be in control, I love and need a clean house, I like to have a million things to do, and I have a hard time saying no. Basically what I really discovered is I'm just like Michelle. Lets be honest now, I couldn't be any happier knowing I'm just like my Gypsy. If I had to pick someone to take after it would be her. So now that I am all grown up and I now know who I really am its made life a lot easier lately. 

Growing up is never easy. I wont even lie. I know I'm not even old but to think that 10 years ago I was 15 years old just seems like such a long time! I get asked a lot of times if I dread getting older because I have a terminal illness that usually kills people sooner than later. The thing is, I've loved getting older. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I have it together and I know where I'm going and what I'm going to be doing with my life. Its more of a sense of relief and even with the cancer stuff, it doesn't really impact anything besides where I live. My whole life I wanted to get out of Utah. I wanted to move back East and experience that life. I wanted to end up in Virginia in a cute little cottage and have some amazing romantical love story that you only would read in a Nicholas Sparks book. But I now realize 1. Utah is my home 2. I don't want to be any further away from my family than I need to be and 3. There's a reason love stories like that are only in books in movies.  Clearly I've been watching the Notebook and Safe Haven too lately. I actually feel good about my life and growing up and I know where I'm going. Being the Virgo I am I don't like change or uncertainty, and now having that comfort and peace of mind with my life I can actually get some sleep.

Lets just take a minute to be so thankful my writers block is gone though... I've missed blogging and its nice to get some thoughts down. Hope everyone's enjoying these last few days of no snow (if you're in Utah), and if you don't live in Utah and live where it doesn't know well be thankful you don't have to drive in the snow!

PS... many blogs to come this week!!!

Alexis

The Holy War...

Whoa two posts in one week! Its your lucky week my friends. Just kidding... but for reals this whole post just came to me last night and I thought it would be something worth writing about. Everyone knows that college football is the happiest time of the year. Everyone around these parts also know what the Holy War. The Holy War is one of the most sacred days out of the year where, the Dirty Utes and the School down South go head to head in 60 minutes of nail biting, hair pulling football. Aka, the BYU vs Utah football game. So time out... I'm 24 years old and I love football. Why? What girl just loves football and knows the positions, the play, the penalties, and the techniques? The daughter of a coach. Football has been one of the biggest factors in my life besides my family. But football and family go hand in hand if you're a Kaufusi. If you google the last name Kaufusi you get pages and pages of football related articles and webpages. From before I was born, football is what made it all happen. Steve was playing football at BYU where he met Michelle at the Freedom Bowl. From there Steve was drafted into the NFL where he played for the Eagles. Steve and Michelle decided to become lovers and married. I was born. Bronson was born. Steve was released and went on to play for the London Monarchs. Corbin was born, then Steve was offered a GA position at the University of Utah in 1994 where my story really beings. 

In 1994 when I was just 5 years old up to today I have been and still am affiliated with either BYU or Utah football. From the age of 5 until I was 13 I was a die hard Ute. We all were. Steve was the Defensive Line coach, my uncles Jeff, Henry, Doug, and Jason all played there. I grew up obsessed with Andre Miller and Rick Majerus. One day hoped to play for Elaine Elliot because when I went to all her camps as a kid she always told me I was going to play for her one day. Our weekends usually consisted of watching the Utah gymnastics team and playing tag at the football facility. We always looked forward to steak dinners at Coach Mac's house and bowl games every year. I was raised not to necessarily hate BYU, but we didn't cheer for them. We knew thats where Steve and Michelle went but now we were Utes so it didn't matter. Its actually funny you look at some of the BYU and Utah coaches and some have been on both sides. My dad was a BYU football player and graduated from there but started his coaching career at Utah but found his way back to BYU. The Whittinghams have a great history of BYU football but Kyle now is the head coach up at the U. My Uncle Jason played at the U but was Steve's GA. So you see its ok to go back and forth. The bulk of my childhood was centered around being a Utah football fan and cheering for the Utes every Saturday. That all changed though in 2002 where the phrase, as Michelle puts it, we are loyal to the paycheck really became the truth. 

In 2002 Michelle broke the news we were moving down south to Provo to become Cougars! Now as a 13 year old the concept of moving is bad enough. But now we are going to be forced to wear BYU stuff and cheer for the school we were taught not to cheer for? I fought it I won't lie. I remember taking my favorite Utah sweatshirt with me and wearing it on occasion just to raise hell because well, thats what I'm best at doing. I remember going to the BYU basketball camps thinking, why am I here this is so lame compared to Utah's. My parents understood and let me attend the Utah camps still though because thats all I knew. But the older I got I finally got rid of all my secret Utah gear and converted to be a full blue blooded Cougar fan. Now that I'm older and I played at BYU, graduated from there, and now my brother's all play there, my sister in law is on the soccer team, Steve coaches there its natural for me to be a cougar. I had some cousins who used to play at the U but they are now graduated. Its funny because my Dad and his brother Rich played at BYU. The younger uncles played at the U. The cousins all my age played at the U. But all the cousins younger than me including my brothers are so far playing at BYU. Its been fun to see how things can change like that. A family with BYU roots goes to Utah and back to BYU all in the span of about 25 years. 

So back to the Holy War. Now the Holy War for the first time in my life that I can recall isn't happening this year. Am I sad? Of course! I love the BYU vs Utah football game. The energy in the stadium is something I've never felt at any other sporting event. Its a game that played not just for pride and bragging rights but its also a personal game. So many people take the Holy War personally its insane. Now I'm not one to sit here and say how much I hate the U. Its a great school. Their medical facilities and doctors saved my life as well as Michelle's and the twin's at one point. Its where my Dad was given a chance to really coach. And its there that I got confidence in myself as a basketball player. I think so many people have this deep hate for one or the other and they don't see the good. Having been affiliated with both programs there's definitely up and downs. When we were at the U we had 50 yard line 6th row seats. At BYU we are 10 rows from the top in the nose bleeds. At BYU Steve doesn't work Sundays and at Utah he did. At Utah their colors were red, white, and black (my favorite) and BYU is navy blue and white. BYU is sponsored by Nike (I only wear nike) and Utah is sponsored by Under Armor. So there's ups and downs to both. Sometimes I catch myself hoping Utah loses games but I mean, the state of Utah I think is one of the most overlooked states when it comes to football. High school and college Utah is just overlooked. With the U being in the Pac 12 that's a hard conference which means a hard schedule. If Utah does good that makes the the whole state of Utah look good. Same with Utah State and BYU. Earlier I said a phrase that Michelle says, "We are loyal to the paycheck." And yes when we were younger we definitely were. But with age comes wisdom and I think blood is thicker than water whether you bleed blue or red. My cousins Dave and Pati played at the U and for the first time in years I found myself cheering for Utah (when they weren't playing BYU of course). I saw my aunts and uncles who never had anything or positive to say about BYU all the sudden dressed in BYU shirts and cheering for us when Bronson started playing there. I think all rivalries set aside family is more important especially when you're a family divided between the power football schools in the state of Utah.

Recently with BYU's success this season and the absence of the Holy War I honestly think I am hearing for negative comments about BYU and than in the years past. Yes without a Holy War we will never know who is better. But Steve always says "Any team can beat anybody on any given day." So how will we really know which team is better? We won't. Having been a BYU athlete, I think sometimes at BYU we sike ourselves out for the Utah game to be honest. My favorite games were always against Utah and I played some of my best basketball against Utah. But having seen how others players respond and talking to Bronson, BYU kids tend to sike themselves out for the Utah game. It is what it is. I think BYU and Utah football will always have that competitiveness between them for the top team in the state, or more so just between each other. It is what it is. 

One thing I will never understand are some of the fans. I will never get the fans who didn't attend either BYU or Utah and have no ties with the players, but are always the first ones to talk poorly on the schools. I've been on both sides of the fence. I can say yes I think some of Utah's fans are the rowdiest fans I've seen. Some push the disrespectful envelope once you get a few beers in them. I can also say BYU has some wish-washy fans. They'll be carrying the quarterback on their shoulders one second after a good game then dragging their name through the mud after a bad one. Yes these are extremes but I can guarantee there's some Utah fans who don't know their own QBs name and some BYU fans who don't know what Bronco Mendenhall even looks like. At the end of the day though, I think sometimes the whole BYU vs Utah, Holy War is blown out of proportion. Yes it is the one game a year that I am early to and sit through the whole thing. Yes I sometimes find myself getting a little feisty with Utah fans when they talk bad about the BYU football program. No football program is perfect. I think its awesome both teams are 2-0 so far in this season. How awesome has it been that BYU has beat Texas the past two years? How awesome was it when Utah beat Stanford last year? I guess what I'm getting at is, I understand the significance of the Holy War. But with it being absent this year I feel the hostility should go down rather than increase ten fold. All I know is, I hope Utah does well in the Pac 12. Thats one hard conference to be in so I wish them the best. I hope BYU keeps getting better, wins every game, and that Bronson can stay away from these dang injuries. Its the Kaufusi curse I tell you!

 Regardless of everything, yes I am a BYU cougar through and through. Like I said earlier, its where my parents met, fell in love, and graduated. Steve played football and coaches there. Michelle was a cougarette. I played basketball and graduated from there. Bronson plays football and played basketball. Hilary plays soccer. Corbin will play basketball. Devin has signed to play football. And Daryl will start next summer semester. We might have been Utes for a few years but I think deep down we were still Cougs. We're just a BYU family now. And family over everything right? Hope everyone has a fantastic week though. Its only Tuesday... I don't know why but I keep thinking its Wednesday. Check out BYU as they play Houston this Thursday. I doubt Bronson will be playing but you can always cheer for the big brown man on the sideline. He usually has a hat on. I hope you're all enjoying your football season as much I am. Go Cougars!

Quarter of a Century...

Man oh man... with September here that means a lot of different things are happening. I can honestly say that I think outside Christmas time, September is the busiest month. I mean, we have school starting, football, soccer, fall camp for basketball, and if you're lucky enough to live in Utah you get to see the leaves start to go from green to yellow to red all in the same month. September is also the birthday month to some of my favorite people: my cousin Hillary, my roommate Rita, one of my closest friends Ande, and just a ton more people, including myself. So this birthday I'm turning 25. A quarter of a century and I can't help but think about in the past 25 years what have I really done with my life? So I started thinking and I came up with a few ideas. 

In the last 25 years I have:

1. Traveled to nearly every state and 8 different countries
2. Had more surgeries and sets of stitches that I can keep track of
3. Tasted some of the most amazing food from all over the world
4. Held a Tiger shark
5. Been to Lorde, Cher, 311, Tim McGraw, Britney Spears, Katy Perry, and a number of other concerts
6. Had every hair style possible in a two year span: Bald, blonde short and spiky, mullet, extensions, shoulder length, long and to my waist.
7. Cliff jumped off a 30ft cliff
8. Skied every slope at Alta and Brighton
9. And with the help and support of too many people to name, I beat cancer

So in 25 years I have managed to do quite a lot I would like to think. But over 25 years I have learned every lesson the hard way. If there were rules I somehow managed to break them, ignore them, or just simply live by my own. At times its made my life exciting and filled with cool scars and great stories. At times its also brought a lot of tears and set backs. Through the good, the bad, the mullet phase, and adrenaline rushes there's one thing that I've learned and continues to manifest itself on a daily basis the most important thing in my life has been:

Family 

Now, my family. I say this all the time but we really do need our own reality TV show. The older we have gotten the more entertaining life has become that's for sure. We all have grown into our personalities and are comfortable with ourselves. Its made for some good laughs along the way. There was a situation recently where I was asked in the odd chance that I had died from the cancer scare what I would say to each of my family members. Lets just say that question really hit home and really just manifested the importance of family. It made me realize yet again how important my family is to me. Each person brings something to the table that helps with the flow. Steve brings the stern Bishop Kaufusi one second and the childish humor the next. Michelle is the glue she keeps us all in line and is the first to do some crazy adventure. Bronson is loud and laughs at everything including himself. Hilary is more quiet and reminds Bronson to use his inside voice. Corbin is fun and free spirited. Daryl is sensitive, awkward, and hilarious. Devin is quiet but can get in the fun when he needs to. Where do I play into all this? I'm the one who's blunt, outspoken, but always in for an adventure. 

We, by no means, are a perfect family. We fight, we have falling outs, and we get on each others nerves. There have been times where phones have been crushed, car keys have been confiscated, and on one particular time a knife was accidentally thrown. We aren't perfect. Getting the pieces to fit correctly took some time but we figured it out. Each person in my family though has made me the person who I am today. They have all taught me something that over the last 25 years makes me who I am. 

• Steve has taught me to be tough and resilient through any trial in life.
• Michelle has taught me cleanliness and structure make life a whole lot easier. She also taught me just because I'm a girl should never limit me. 
• Bronson has taught me to see the good in people and the meaning of dedication
• Hilary has taught me to always be kind and patient
• Corbin has taught me to smile and to let loose sometimes
• Daryl has taught me that its ok to be sensitive and its ok to eat a pack of bacon in one sitting
• Devin... hasn't taught me anything yet but I'm sure the time will come

Like I said, a family is like a puzzle. You have to get all the pieces to fit and when they do it really is a beautiful thing. I get asked all the time if we really get along as well as it looks in pictures and to be honest, we do. It helps when we have so much in common. We all love to work out. We all love to play sports. And we all love food. But like I said we fight and we disagree we get in arguments. But at the end of day we are family. Blood is thicker than water and I love my family. The older I've gotten I've realized the importance of family and that the bond between brothers, sisters, and parents is stronger than any other. Like I said, I learned my lessons the hard way. Growing up especially in high school I didn't enjoy the time at Tipmview with my brothers, I taught my friends better than the siblings, and I was short tempered and rude with my parents. Now that I'm nearly 25 I can you this, family is everything. 

So as I mentioned before, I was asked what I would say to each of family members if I was going to die... Well that's for me to know and for them to find out when that time comes. 

As I do in most aspects of my life, I have been lucky enough to have an awesome family who loves me and accepts me and my ridiculousness and sometimes joins in on the fun. Side note, if you ever do want a good laugh come by the Gypsy Lair and I can promise you we will show you a good time. 

Alexis

Confessions and thoughts on being unmarried, 24 (almost 25) year old, BYU graduate...

Family Pictures 2014

Well its been a minute now since I've blogged. I checked and the last time I blogged was June 10 and I was anxiously anticipating the homecoming of my brother Corbin. Don't worry he made it home safe and sound from South Korea and has dove head first back into the real world. Between working, coaching, family vacations, and trying to balance time with everyone and every thing I haven't been able to sit down and just blog and talk about my thoughts and life until today. Today's post came to me yesterday when I posted a Facebook status, which I rarely do. It read:

"Everyone my age is married or having babies or something. And I'm here thinking about my desire for chicken enchiladas, when I can play basketball next, and if Kobe Bryant will wear the low 9s or the high 9s this season"

I was actually quite surprised at the feedback I got from it. So this was how the status happened now: I was sitting on my futon staring at the pile of clean laundry and my TV that was flashing Shaun T telling me I needed to focus for my workout. It crossed my mind that I turn 25 in a month and a half, then I snapped out of it and realized my current thought process. I was thinking about chicken enchiladas and how I needed to work out if I wanted to go to Maria Bonita and eat them on Thursday. Then I was thinking when I could play basketball again whether at Michelle's house or some church. Then my eyes some something colorful out of the corner of my eye, my new Kobe low 9s. Then my mind flash forwarded to the upcoming NBA season and whether Kobe will wear the low 9s or the super high 9s... So there you have it. my thought process that led to my Facebook status. Well 10 comments and over 170+ likes later it sparked the idea for this post. So here are some of the thoughts that cross my mind on a daily basis...

1. I wonder what Michelle is cooking for dinner tonight?
2. Its hot I hope Bella drank her water bowls rather than trying to swim in them.
3. What should I cook for dinner?
4. Harmons or Sprouts for groceries?
5. I bet Daryl ate a whole pack of bacon for breakfast.
6. I wonder if Porsche will be in the same spot I left her at this morning. Probably.
7. I've tweeted at Kobe Bryant like 100 times I wonder if he recognizes my name yet.
8. In the situation of a zombie apocalypse I have no guns in my house.
9. I missed that massive spot on my legs shaving. I need chemo in my life.
10. True or False: Swig makes their sugar cookies with heroin. They're addicting.
11. Where can I buy a Llama?
12. If I had a llama I would name him... Ezsma. Like on Emperors New Grove
13. I wonder how fat I would get if I ate only chicken enchiladas forever and ever.
14. If dragons were real... I would want a red and black one.
15. I would probably name my dragon Khaleesi... after the one and only.
16. If I caught a bear cub... How would I keep it and what would I feed it?
17. Vampires... They have to be real. Edward Cullen has to be real. For my sanity. 
18. How can I convince Michelle to let Steve get a corgi?
19. If I bought them a corgi would she kill me?
20. I bet Cher is drinking a Dr. Pepper right now.

So those are my thoughts on a day to day basis. I can't help but laugh because they revolve around food for the most part. Steve always says, "Sweetie you weren't fat when you were little, you were just a good eater." So y`ea whatever that means... not sure if its a compliment or not yet. Besides that though, being 24 and not married in Utah county really isn't bad at all. I actually love it. I think I definitely deserve a gold medal for making it out of BYU not married and for making it out of BYU alive at all. Lord knows it wasn't an easy road by any means. I get asked all the time "Who are you dating?" "Aren't you sad you aren't married?" "It must have been so hard watching Bronson get married first huh?" "You've been a bridesmaid like 10 times I bet you have an awesome dress collection." and the comments go on and on. Lets be honest for a moment now everyone, you get outside the bubble of Utah County and its typical that you don't get married until you're older anyways right? This whole 18 and 19 year old thing stresses me out too much. I look back to when I was 18 and I definitely couldn't imagine being married. Or really in any kind of a mature serious relationship. I was too busy playing basketball and guitar hero and trying not to fail out of BYU. So I turn 25 in about a month and a half. When Michelle was 25  she already had me and she had just popped out this yellow asian looking child we now call Bronson. Michelle got married when she was 22 so kind of older (for Utah County standards) and Steve was 26. They definitely lasted longer than most BYU kids so way to go you two! But I think, could I manage a two year old and a newborn? Yes I'm sure I could and I would do it like a champ, but am I really ready for that? No. Financially, emotionally, and mentally I'm not ready for those responsibilities. Right now my responsibilities include my job, coaching my girls, Porsche, Bella, Klaus, keeping Michelle and Steve on their toes, and doing my laundry. I mean I have 3 kids, they may not be like my little triplet cousin kind of kids, but they're kids. They still need TLC every night, they need food and toys, they need baths, and they poop everywhere. Just like babies. The only difference is they don't talk back and they aren't a pain in my you know what forever. Personally I love my life. I have a great job, I get to coach on the side, I have 3 adorable furry kids, I live with my best friends, and I live close to my family and see them everyday. Solid life I would say.

So in my head, my life is extraordinary, so why doesn't everyone else see that? I didn't realize the seriousness of how depressed these single BYU girls are and just how people view girls like me until I went to Bishop Steve's single ward on a testimony meeting day. This was 2 years ago and every girl got up and talked about how miserable she is because she 25 or 26 and not married and how she doesn't know why she can't find a husband. In my head I thought, ok you're pathetic. You have a Masters from BYU, a great job, are completely independent and you're telling me how miserable you are? I think sometimes the Mormon Culture and even better to say, the BYU culture makes you seem like an outcast if you're not married by the time you're 21. I think learning as a woman to be independent is one of the greatest things ever! I was laughing last night because Michelle got a new printer and Daryl got a pull up bar, who do they call to come set it all up... Me. In my head, you have a husband and 3 sons and you called me? I ended up doing the printer myself but I made Daryl do the pull up bar like a big girl. I think its important to learn things like that. As I was watching her attempt to do this pull up bar and asking me what acorn knuts were it dawned on me. Steve was always teaching me about sprinkling systems, how to start the lawn mower, how to change a tire, the difference between gasoline and the mixed gas with oil, and everything else that no wonder I can use power tools better than all my brothers. So I made Daryl put together her pull up bar herself and she didn't do a terrible job. I think independence is a blessing and sometimes we don't see it as one. And by we I mean single girls. I've taken advantage of my independence and I am without a doubt in my mind happy. I know if in the situation I don't get married and don't have that aspect of life that I'll still be happy because I've created a foundation of a happy life with myself. When I had cancer they told me roughly 10% of the battle is physical. Reminding myself to just keep breathing. The other 90% would be mental. Reminding myself to be happy and keep fighting and most importantly make the best out of everything. That applies to life. Make the best of it. Why be sad when you can be happy?

To wrap this up, what I'm trying to get at is I'm almost 25. I'm not married, nor am I near it. I graduated from BYU and didn't get married and you know what, I couldn't be happier. Lately I've been asked a lot about marriage and what not and you know what, at this time in my life its not a priority. Referring back to my Facebook status that started all of this there were 2 comments made that have stuck with me and  really just made me feel even more at peace with my life. First was my neighbor and friend Maureen commented, "Enjoy your youth cause its the only thing you have in life that is guaranteed to age gracefully or not." I loved this! Gracefully or not we age and while I'm young I play on enjoying what I have and being happy. Not worrying about the future. Not all of us will age as wonderfully as Cher did. She's 68 and looks fantastic and can fit into her original Turn Back Time outfit (I would know because I saw her live earlier this month). The second comment made was by either my Aunt Lisa or my Uncle Gordon. Not sure which one of the wrote but both have been examples in my life from day 1 and have always given me the best life talks. They wrote, "Our own passions are what make life worth living, find what you're passionate about and let it bring you happiness, for it makes you, you." As I look at myself I never was the girl who wore make up everyday and had her wedding planned out when she was 16 and knew the diamond ring she wanted. If you were to asked me what a princess cut diamond ring looked like I would have to google it for you. I am who I am and I love it. I can count on one hand the times I've worn make up in the last 2 months. Corbin's homecoming, family pictures, the Tim McGraw concert, and Cher concert. We are who we are and we will do what makes us happy regardless of what people think and what may seem to be the popular thing to do. 

So there you have it. The confessions and thoughts of an unmarried 24 year old BYU graduate. I know this post is similar to one I did previously but I mean, I think people don't realize just how awesome it is to be young and single and alive. Why not enjoy it and let the rest of the puzzle fall into place? I promise I will be a better blogger now that my summer is calming down. Couple of side notes about my personal life:

• Won the Summer Games woot woot! Gold medals for days. 
• Cher is my idol. The end. Quote of the night from her concert, "I'm Cher I'm f'ing fabulous and all you have for me is a six pack of doctor pepper? I'm an icon."
• California trip to Laguna was a success! Even with Michelle on crutches.
• Family pictures turned out great. Thank you Margi!!
• Bronson and I are still the champions of 2 on 2 vs Devin and Corbin
• Fall camp starts today practically! Go cougars!
• Steve started work again after the best vacation ever. Pray for his D line they're young. 
• Bronson's lover Hilary broke her leg and got surgery. Pray for a quick recovery.
• Michelle got stuck with crutches an extra 2 weeks because shes stubborn can't old still. Pray she can't get off crutches one day. 
• Daryl tore her other ACL but will rehab it and still play soccer her senior year. Pray for the citizens of Provo because she just got her drivers license. She's 18 don't worry.
• Devin is well Devin and we aren't sure what he does most the time. Pray for him in all aspects of life.
• Corbin has decided to not play football and play basketball instead. We will all pray for the Gonzaga fans who are terrified at another Kaufusi on the BYU basketball team. 

School starts in a few weeks so everyone enjoy their summer! If you know of any good hikes let me know. Enjoy this nice warm weather. 

Alexis